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May 19, 2020

The Fear of Living

The Fear of Living

In this episode, Minneapolis based Drag Queen, Lala Luzious discusses how to overcome your fears, handling rejection, and the importance of being vulnerable when it comes to living a happy and fulfilled life. Need another snack? Head on over to If...


In this episode, Minneapolis based Drag Queen, Lala Luzious discusses how to overcome your fears, handling rejection, and the importance of being vulnerable when it comes to living a happy and fulfilled life. Need another snack? Head on over to www.snacksizepodcast.com If you are a new listener to Snack Size, we would love to hear from you! Don’t be afraid to say hello at lala@snacksizepodcast.com Follow Snack Size: The Podcast on Twitter: @podcast_snack Follow Lala on Instagram: @lalaluzious _____________ Intro and Interlude Music for "Snack Size"  is Lioness (Instrumental) by DayFox https://soundcloud.com/dayfox
Transcript
WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.199 --> 00:00:05.080 Hey, what's up world? Welcome to snack size, the podcast that will 2 00:00:05.120 --> 00:00:09.869 drag you into your most fabulous life. I'm your host, La La Lushous, 3 00:00:10.109 --> 00:00:13.669 also known as the snack of the twin cities. I decided for myself 4 00:00:13.789 --> 00:00:16.629 that I can be whatever I want to be. So I decided to be 5 00:00:16.789 --> 00:00:20.629 a drag queen, and if I can live my dreams, you can to. 6 00:00:21.070 --> 00:00:24.899 The time has come to believing yourself enough to turn your ideas into more 7 00:00:24.980 --> 00:00:27.980 than mere words, and, no matter what you are doing in life or 8 00:00:28.019 --> 00:00:31.500 where you want to go, I want to help you get there fabulously. 9 00:00:32.020 --> 00:00:40.609 Our ten minutes starts now. Hey, snacks, this is episode six of 10 00:00:40.729 --> 00:00:45.210 snack size. Today we are going to discuss a topic that many people struggle 11 00:00:45.210 --> 00:00:49.289 with on their path to a happy and successful life. But before we jump 12 00:00:49.329 --> 00:00:53.640 into that, I have some really exciting news. I ran a contest on 13 00:00:53.719 --> 00:00:58.280 my social media where two of my listeners who went in Alyssa Edwards eyeshadow Pallid, 14 00:00:58.479 --> 00:01:02.079 and I have the names of the true lucky listeners who won. Drum 15 00:01:02.119 --> 00:01:11.189 roll please, consnaculations to joy and Alexander. I've already sent you both an 16 00:01:11.230 --> 00:01:14.030 email, so just reply and I'll get that right in the mail to you. 17 00:01:14.549 --> 00:01:18.510 By the way, follow me on Instagram at La La Lushes, and 18 00:01:18.739 --> 00:01:26.299 you can get in on the next giveaway. So this episode is about fear 19 00:01:26.500 --> 00:01:32.060 and rejection, to common row blocks that you may find on your journey to 20 00:01:32.140 --> 00:01:37.010 a happy and fulfilled life. Both of these feelings tend to limit people from 21 00:01:37.090 --> 00:01:41.530 going after what they want and from taking risks in fear that it won't work 22 00:01:41.569 --> 00:01:46.090 out the way they wanted to. I know this from firsthand experience in my 23 00:01:46.290 --> 00:01:49.200 own life, because I'm a part of a group of people that deal with 24 00:01:49.439 --> 00:01:55.560 fear and rejection almost every day. What Group of people am I talking about? 25 00:01:56.000 --> 00:02:00.430 The Group of people I'm referring to is successful people. Successful people didn't 26 00:02:00.430 --> 00:02:05.870 become successful overnight, and it's usually the case that to find their success, 27 00:02:06.109 --> 00:02:09.189 they had to look fear and rejection in the face and move past it. 28 00:02:10.069 --> 00:02:15.189 They overcame the fear of taking a risk, the fear of rejection, the 29 00:02:15.349 --> 00:02:21.300 fear of failure, and pursued their goals. Sometimes things work out swimmingly and 30 00:02:21.500 --> 00:02:25.060 sometimes they don't. Either way, if you don't put yourself out there, 31 00:02:25.300 --> 00:02:30.930 you won't ever know what will happen. For example, as a drag queen 32 00:02:30.090 --> 00:02:35.849 whose goal is to ultimately entertain a room full of people. I get very 33 00:02:35.969 --> 00:02:39.250 nervous about my choices when it comes to my performances. There is that inner 34 00:02:39.449 --> 00:02:45.879 sabature that is always asking, will your audience like this performance? Is it 35 00:02:46.000 --> 00:02:50.599 even funny? Will they understand it? Something I had to learn was to 36 00:02:50.719 --> 00:02:54.319 quiet this voice and not operate out of fear. I never want to let 37 00:02:54.360 --> 00:02:59.949 fear define the art that I am producing. So for you, you must 38 00:02:59.990 --> 00:03:04.949 remember that your fears are not in any way an indicator of your ability or 39 00:03:05.069 --> 00:03:08.629 potential. All it means is that you care about something enough not to let 40 00:03:08.669 --> 00:03:13.659 it fail. Furthermore, if you don't have times when you are fearful, 41 00:03:14.099 --> 00:03:17.819 then you are probably pursuing something your heart isn't in and you'll want to reevaluate 42 00:03:19.020 --> 00:03:23.020 what you truly want from your life. And if you are fearful, let's 43 00:03:23.020 --> 00:03:25.939 take this episode and talk about some of the ways you can overcome in so 44 00:03:27.099 --> 00:03:30.289 that you can get to living you're happy and fulfilled life. I want to 45 00:03:30.370 --> 00:03:35.889 let you in on a little secret about fear and rejection. When you have 46 00:03:36.090 --> 00:03:39.169 these emotions, it can often feel like you were the only one going through 47 00:03:39.250 --> 00:03:44.560 it. You are worried about what will happen if you take a risk and 48 00:03:44.719 --> 00:03:50.120 what people will think of you if it fails. The secret is that everyone 49 00:03:50.280 --> 00:03:53.719 feels fear and rejection in life. It's a natural part of being a human 50 00:03:53.759 --> 00:03:59.590 being and from that perspective, you aren't ever alone in your feelings. Fear 51 00:03:59.789 --> 00:04:03.870 can sometimes even feel paralyzing. Some studies even say that fear can kill you. 52 00:04:04.349 --> 00:04:10.939 However, millions of people over hundreds of years have survived and overcome fear 53 00:04:11.340 --> 00:04:15.379 and and it's likely that you will too. But what sometimes doesn't survive fear 54 00:04:15.620 --> 00:04:19.379 is people's dreams and goals for their life. So if you are going to 55 00:04:19.420 --> 00:04:25.009 fear anything, it shouldn't be the fear of being rejected or fear of failing 56 00:04:25.050 --> 00:04:30.689 or taking a risk. You should fear never beginning to live. When we 57 00:04:30.850 --> 00:04:33.649 think about what it takes to overcome fear, remember that as humans, we 58 00:04:33.769 --> 00:04:39.120 have a natural instinct for survival. So you will always think of reasons not 59 00:04:39.240 --> 00:04:42.800 to take a chance, then reasons to go for it. The key here 60 00:04:42.959 --> 00:04:46.600 is not to put weight on what you have to lose, but rather what 61 00:04:46.720 --> 00:04:49.079 you have to gain. This is because the risk you are about to take 62 00:04:49.480 --> 00:04:54.149 just might be the thing that takes you where you want to go, or 63 00:04:54.310 --> 00:04:58.470 even two places that you never imagined. And even if that doesn't happen, 64 00:04:58.829 --> 00:05:01.709 and there will be many times that it won't, there will always be things 65 00:05:01.750 --> 00:05:08.100 you'll gain from trying. Every time you confront your fears, it becomes easier 66 00:05:08.180 --> 00:05:12.740 to push through the next time it happens. Ultimately, you will be braver, 67 00:05:13.420 --> 00:05:17.139 smarter and more resilient when your dreams do come true. I believe that 68 00:05:17.300 --> 00:05:21.250 the right things always find you, but you may have to fight for them, 69 00:05:21.689 --> 00:05:26.850 and part of that fight is overcoming your fears and taking the risk to 70 00:05:26.930 --> 00:05:31.529 chase your dreams. Another important part of facing fear is the ability to be 71 00:05:31.689 --> 00:05:39.319 vulnerable. We often equate vulnerability to weakness. For example, if you don't 72 00:05:39.399 --> 00:05:42.800 lock your door when you leave your house, you were going to be vulnerable 73 00:05:42.879 --> 00:05:46.959 to a burglary, or if you don't take care of yourself, your body 74 00:05:46.079 --> 00:05:51.029 is vulnerable to getting sick. But in the perspective of growing, changing and 75 00:05:51.269 --> 00:05:59.550 achieving vulnerability is actually a strength. Writer and researcher Dr Brene Brown says in 76 00:05:59.709 --> 00:06:04.899 her book daring greatly, vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, 77 00:06:05.459 --> 00:06:12.019 courage, empathy, accountability and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in 78 00:06:12.139 --> 00:06:17.100 our purpose or deeper and more meaningful lives, vulnerability is the path. Taking 79 00:06:17.139 --> 00:06:23.290 a risk means being vulnerable. o Your vulnerability for the complicated, messy, 80 00:06:23.730 --> 00:06:27.769 very human quality that it is. Keep it in mind that it is one 81 00:06:27.810 --> 00:06:31.569 of the best things about you. If being vulnerable it is something that you 82 00:06:31.810 --> 00:06:36.480 struggle with, take some time to think about why that is. If you 83 00:06:36.560 --> 00:06:41.920 were anything like how I used to be, if a situation needed me to 84 00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:46.360 be vulnerable, I would clench up, shut people loud and put up an 85 00:06:46.399 --> 00:06:50.829 emotional wall. Every time I did this, I thought I was protecting myself, 86 00:06:51.430 --> 00:06:56.629 and while I certainly was protecting myself from getting hurt or being rejected, 87 00:06:57.029 --> 00:07:01.579 I was also shutting out opportunity these and experiences that could potentially benefit me as 88 00:07:01.660 --> 00:07:06.459 well. Part of being vulnerable is knowing that you will have to be open 89 00:07:06.660 --> 00:07:12.019 to good and bad things on your journey, but you also must believe that 90 00:07:12.139 --> 00:07:15.569 you are strong enough to handle both of them when they happen. It doesn't 91 00:07:15.569 --> 00:07:20.569 matter if there is disappointment or rejection. You have to trust that you can 92 00:07:21.050 --> 00:07:26.209 and will make it to where you want to be anyway. This is how 93 00:07:26.290 --> 00:07:30.480 you release the fear of being vulnerable and allow your goals and dreams to manifest 94 00:07:30.680 --> 00:07:36.120 in your life. Everything we do is driven by three things. The first 95 00:07:36.319 --> 00:07:43.160 is thoughts, the second is feelings and the last is actions. The first 96 00:07:43.199 --> 00:07:46.189 two have more influence than the third. What I mean is is that it 97 00:07:46.310 --> 00:07:50.949 is easy to let your thoughts and feelings rule over your actions. Today, 98 00:07:51.389 --> 00:07:57.110 the feelings we are talking about our fear and rejection, and we're most people 99 00:07:57.230 --> 00:08:01.899 get stuck is that they let themselves build up more of those feelings than feeling 100 00:08:01.019 --> 00:08:07.060 courage or self worth. As a drag Queen, my biggest struggle was with 101 00:08:07.339 --> 00:08:09.899 rejection, as I discussed before. I doubt with a lot of it when 102 00:08:09.899 --> 00:08:13.930 I decided that I wanted to do drag. So I've come up with a 103 00:08:15.009 --> 00:08:20.250 little metaphor to help you with rejection. And since we love snacks, it's 104 00:08:20.490 --> 00:08:26.250 all about a vending machine. So let's pretend you are a snack. Take 105 00:08:26.290 --> 00:08:30.519 a moment to decide which snack you want to be today. I am going 106 00:08:30.560 --> 00:08:35.039 to be a delicious rice crispy treat. So you and I are in a 107 00:08:35.080 --> 00:08:39.080 vending machine, both of looking like delicious snacks and a customer comes up and 108 00:08:39.360 --> 00:08:43.789 pick someone else for their snack. Our natural reaction would be, well, 109 00:08:43.830 --> 00:08:48.750 why didn't you pick me? Am I not delicious enough? A second customer 110 00:08:48.870 --> 00:08:54.269 comes to the vending machine and picks you. At this point I might be 111 00:08:54.509 --> 00:08:58.899 panicking. Why didn't I get picked? Maybe I'm not in the right spot 112 00:08:58.019 --> 00:09:01.740 in this vending machine. Do they even know I'm here? And then, 113 00:09:03.059 --> 00:09:07.379 finally, a third customer comes to the vending machine and picks me for their 114 00:09:07.419 --> 00:09:11.169 snack. When dealing with rejection, remember that what you want to offer the 115 00:09:11.210 --> 00:09:16.490 world may not be for everyone. A lot of people will say no to 116 00:09:16.570 --> 00:09:20.690 you, but what matters is the people that say yes. So, instead 117 00:09:20.690 --> 00:09:24.720 of thinking why not me? Be Patient, be focused, don't doubt what 118 00:09:24.879 --> 00:09:28.879 you have and, without a doubt, it is going to be the case 119 00:09:28.039 --> 00:09:33.279 that many people will pick you for their snack. To wrap up this episode, 120 00:09:33.320 --> 00:09:37.960 I want to leave you with a quote from my favorite author, Maya 121 00:09:37.039 --> 00:09:43.350 Angelo. She once said what is the fear of living? It's being pre 122 00:09:43.509 --> 00:09:46.990 eminently afraid of dying. It is not doing what you came here to do 123 00:09:48.549 --> 00:09:54.539 out of timidity and spinelessness. The antidote is to take full responsibility for yourself. 124 00:09:54.980 --> 00:09:58.580 For the time you take up in the space you occupy. If you 125 00:09:58.700 --> 00:10:03.460 don't know what you'R to do, then just do some good. In light 126 00:10:03.539 --> 00:10:05.980 of this quote, I want to discuss one more fear, and that is 127 00:10:07.059 --> 00:10:09.610 the fear of the unknown. If you are someone who doesn't know what they 128 00:10:09.690 --> 00:10:16.210 want in life, that is one hundred percent okay. Not Knowing sometimes seems 129 00:10:16.250 --> 00:10:20.370 scary, but it doesn't have to be if you commit to exploring what you're 130 00:10:20.409 --> 00:10:24.600 happy and fulfilled life looks like. If you want some help, remember you 131 00:10:24.799 --> 00:10:30.279 can always email me at La la at snack size podcastcom. We are all 132 00:10:30.440 --> 00:10:33.440 in this journey together, so one thing you don't ever have to fear is 133 00:10:33.519 --> 00:10:37.190 that you are alone. Until next time, see you later, snack. 134 00:10:39.710 --> 00:10:43.309 Hey Snack, I hope you enjoyed this episode. Remember you can get every 135 00:10:43.389 --> 00:10:48.909 episode of snack size on apple podcast, Google podcast and spotify. Let's keep 136 00:10:48.909 --> 00:10:52.539 the conversation going. If you have questions or feedback, don't be afraid to 137 00:10:52.580 --> 00:10:58.059 say hello at Lala at snack size podcastcom. And if you want to support 138 00:10:58.100 --> 00:11:03.659 my podcast, head on over to paypal dot me for its last snack size 139 00:11:03.740 --> 00:11:05.809 podcast. Until next time, go be fabulous.