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April 13, 2022

The Breakup Wake-up

The Breakup Wake-up

A Breakup is an alarm in our life that it is time to wake up and see a new path to a better, healthier you! Join Twin Cities Drag Queen Lala Luzious and Bri Campo (aka The Clever Biotch) of the Clever Conversations podcast as they discuss Lala’s recent breakup and how it changed her outlook on mental health.

Follow Clever Conversations Podcast here and on Instagram here!

Want more snacks? www.snacksizepodcast.com

Lala recommends Breakup Bootcamp by Amy Chan!

Transcript

WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.480 --> 00:00:05.280 Hey snacks, it's season four of snack size the podcast, and two thousand 2 00:00:05.280 --> 00:00:11.000 and twenty two is all about you. And guess what, you are fabulous. 3 00:00:11.039 --> 00:00:15.800 It's time to open doors and embrace some new opportunities, and your dreams 4 00:00:15.880 --> 00:00:19.839 can and will come true if you just take the time to pursue them. 5 00:00:19.879 --> 00:00:24.640 So this season is a cheers to you finding your fabulous life. Our time 6 00:00:24.760 --> 00:00:31.800 together starts now. Hey snacks, welcome back to snack size. It is 7 00:00:31.839 --> 00:00:36.119 so good to be with you again. When I started this podcast, I 8 00:00:36.200 --> 00:00:40.359 always knew that I wanted to share stories about my journey and what I've been 9 00:00:40.359 --> 00:00:44.079 through in life, and what I didn't expect to find was a family of 10 00:00:44.079 --> 00:00:48.159 listeners that I could learn and grow with. So, as always, thank 11 00:00:48.240 --> 00:00:51.880 you for being on this journey with me. And this episode will be very 12 00:00:51.920 --> 00:00:55.479 special for me, as it comes after one of the most difficult times in 13 00:00:55.520 --> 00:00:59.159 my life. So I wanted to take some time and say thank you for 14 00:00:59.240 --> 00:01:03.200 tuning in after I spend a little time away to figure things out for myself 15 00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:07.799 and my life and my mental health. And I have a very special guest. 16 00:01:07.040 --> 00:01:12.040 Brecampo from clever conversations podcast is going to be talking with me today and 17 00:01:12.040 --> 00:01:18.120 I'm so excited to invite her to her first time on snack size. She 18 00:01:18.239 --> 00:01:19.879 is an absolute who. I can't wait for you all to meet her. 19 00:01:19.920 --> 00:01:25.120 But before we get started, I just wanted to say that we're all going 20 00:01:25.120 --> 00:01:27.519 through things in life and, no matter what you're going through, no matter 21 00:01:27.560 --> 00:01:33.519 what your pain is, just by being here with me that makes you a 22 00:01:33.599 --> 00:01:37.920 survivor and if we can get through this, we can get through anything. 23 00:01:38.000 --> 00:01:46.959 So, snacks, let's give Brie a call. Hi, breathe, welcome 24 00:01:46.959 --> 00:01:51.439 to snack sighs. Hi, I am so excited to be here. Thank 25 00:01:51.519 --> 00:01:56.040 you for having me. Absolutely I'm so excited to have you. I had 26 00:01:56.319 --> 00:01:59.799 such a good time on your show when you have me as a guest. 27 00:01:59.840 --> 00:02:02.359 We had such good conversation, so I knew when I wanted to have someone 28 00:02:02.359 --> 00:02:06.400 sit down and interview me, who I had to call. And thank you. 29 00:02:06.680 --> 00:02:09.039 Thank you, thank you so much for saying yes, wow, like 30 00:02:09.159 --> 00:02:13.199 we had. We did have a good time, though, we really did. 31 00:02:13.240 --> 00:02:15.000 So I just like yes, yes, yes, of course I'll do 32 00:02:15.039 --> 00:02:17.479 it, and so, without for the new I do want to do to 33 00:02:17.479 --> 00:02:22.319 talk about your show and introduce yourself to the snacks. Tell us about your 34 00:02:22.319 --> 00:02:27.680 podcast. Well, it's called clever conversations and I am the clever beach. 35 00:02:28.120 --> 00:02:34.680 So I love to interview people and have just a whole array of different kinds 36 00:02:34.680 --> 00:02:38.080 of information for people because, you know, we all face all kinds of 37 00:02:38.080 --> 00:02:43.520 things that go on in our lives and when life hits the fan, I 38 00:02:43.599 --> 00:02:46.719 mean, if you don't laugh, you're going to fall and knock it up. 39 00:02:46.800 --> 00:02:51.520 So it's all about just living with all these different things that happen in 40 00:02:51.520 --> 00:02:54.240 our lives and the best way we can get through it with funny stories and 41 00:02:54.319 --> 00:02:58.960 just useful information and just having a lot of fun. You know, that's 42 00:02:58.960 --> 00:03:01.439 it. It's all about just having a good old time. That's my one 43 00:03:01.439 --> 00:03:05.280 of my main gigs, though I do a million other little things. You 44 00:03:05.280 --> 00:03:08.759 know. I'm like social media manager and which is turned into an actual business 45 00:03:08.840 --> 00:03:14.719 for me because of my podcast. So that was really exciting and that keeps 46 00:03:14.800 --> 00:03:19.280 me very busy as well. So it's it's a lot of things that want 47 00:03:19.319 --> 00:03:22.520 of moving parts that I have to deal with all the time. You know, 48 00:03:22.560 --> 00:03:23.919 I think you and I connected over the pad that we always got a 49 00:03:23.919 --> 00:03:28.520 lot going on, and I actually didn't know that you had a business until 50 00:03:28.560 --> 00:03:30.400 you sent me the bio and I think that's so cool. Good for you. 51 00:03:30.599 --> 00:03:32.599 Well, I didn't know I had a business either. Come on, 52 00:03:32.759 --> 00:03:37.520 I didn't know. I'm not call money. Like someone said, Hey, 53 00:03:37.520 --> 00:03:40.639 hey, we really like it to help us out with our social media and 54 00:03:40.680 --> 00:03:44.319 I said sure, I know a lot about it, I'd be happy to 55 00:03:44.360 --> 00:03:46.319 help you, and they actually paid me for it. So there you go. 56 00:03:46.520 --> 00:03:51.840 And they sent me another person and then another person and I signed my 57 00:03:51.840 --> 00:03:57.120 fifth client last week. So I think I have a business. Yeah, 58 00:03:57.159 --> 00:03:59.560 you know, it's so funny. I remember the first time I got paid 59 00:03:59.639 --> 00:04:01.960 to do Dragon I was like and now I am a professional and it's just 60 00:04:02.039 --> 00:04:04.759 such a great feeling. It is. It's a lot of fun facts. 61 00:04:04.800 --> 00:04:08.960 If you want to check out our episode on clever conversations, it is called 62 00:04:09.000 --> 00:04:13.560 delicious drag and so much more with Laala the snack lashes. It is season 63 00:04:13.719 --> 00:04:16.800 two, episode three. Please go check that out. It's a great interview. 64 00:04:16.800 --> 00:04:20.079 But now we're here, we're going to talk about why I've been done 65 00:04:20.079 --> 00:04:28.399 for so long, helping that you were I was like, Oh, where 66 00:04:28.399 --> 00:04:30.519 have you been, because I along, even though I can't get out, 67 00:04:30.560 --> 00:04:35.079 I'm always still working so much so I haven't gotten down because, if the 68 00:04:35.120 --> 00:04:40.879 listeners don't know, we actually live very close to each other. So yeah, 69 00:04:40.959 --> 00:04:43.759 and I missed you and I was like, what's going on, and 70 00:04:43.800 --> 00:04:46.120 I did see posts. So I am so happy that we get to sit 71 00:04:46.160 --> 00:04:50.000 down and chat about this. I definitely went through a hard time, but 72 00:04:50.079 --> 00:04:56.120 one thing that I really love about you and appreciate about you as an interview 73 00:04:56.120 --> 00:04:58.720 and as a person, you definitely know a lot about life. So this 74 00:04:58.800 --> 00:05:00.600 is this is going to be great. I'm really excited. Well, honey, 75 00:05:00.720 --> 00:05:05.560 I've had a lot of years of life. That's why, all right, 76 00:05:05.560 --> 00:05:10.000 back first time I'm in the hot seat. I'm going to be interviewed. 77 00:05:10.439 --> 00:05:15.040 Off Those big girl panties and let's go for a ride. All right, 78 00:05:15.120 --> 00:05:17.600 let's do it. Okay. Well, we'RE gonna start. I'm I'm 79 00:05:17.639 --> 00:05:20.879 all on starting with a hard part. I mean, let's just go there. 80 00:05:20.920 --> 00:05:25.360 Like you really it was kind of abruptly that you took a few months 81 00:05:25.399 --> 00:05:30.480 away from your podcast of performing. So you have to fill us and tell 82 00:05:30.560 --> 00:05:34.680 us what happened. Basically, in a span of seven days, all of 83 00:05:34.720 --> 00:05:39.879 these different things happen. So I work in class action losses during the day. 84 00:05:39.920 --> 00:05:41.920 I know that on your show when I was on your show, I 85 00:05:41.959 --> 00:05:44.040 told you about we talked about all the things that I do. Right, 86 00:05:44.120 --> 00:05:47.639 so I'm already a busy person, but actually, in addition to doing all 87 00:05:47.639 --> 00:05:50.120 these things, I do work before the hour a week job. And so, 88 00:05:50.519 --> 00:05:55.360 with the pandemic, when like all of the stuff that was like on 89 00:05:55.399 --> 00:05:58.319 delay started coming through, like what I say, my work lobe doubled, 90 00:05:58.360 --> 00:06:01.600 like a doubled. And then, as you know, I direct shows. 91 00:06:01.639 --> 00:06:06.240 So I had a show that kind of did not go very well. There 92 00:06:06.279 --> 00:06:11.480 was an issue with one of the performers not following covid guidelines and it was 93 00:06:11.519 --> 00:06:15.519 just it was a stressful meet. Then I also got in a bad argument 94 00:06:15.560 --> 00:06:17.279 with my best friend, and I know that. You know sometimes friends are 95 00:06:17.319 --> 00:06:21.000 your absolute support system. Though all this was happening, we weren't talking a 96 00:06:21.040 --> 00:06:26.279 different friend, one of my drug sisters in Indiana. Her mother had been 97 00:06:26.279 --> 00:06:30.839 sick for a long time and she did pass away. So while all this 98 00:06:30.920 --> 00:06:32.240 is going on, mind you all, sorry, I should say this is 99 00:06:32.279 --> 00:06:35.439 the week before my book comes out, like the seven days were my book 100 00:06:35.439 --> 00:06:40.079 comes out, so I'm already deally with that and I have to make this 101 00:06:40.160 --> 00:06:42.759 unplanned trip to Chicago. You know, I have a schedule, I have 102 00:06:42.800 --> 00:06:44.319 to clear it. I figured out, but I got to be there for 103 00:06:44.360 --> 00:06:46.800 my friend because that's that's what friends do and I would not have been anywhere 104 00:06:46.800 --> 00:06:49.600 else. And it was a very difficult to watch my friends say good bye 105 00:06:49.639 --> 00:06:53.199 to their mom. But you know, we got through that and I came 106 00:06:53.240 --> 00:06:58.800 back and my former partner said that they didn't know how to feel about us 107 00:06:58.879 --> 00:07:03.199 and they wanted to end things so prizingly. With all that, I had 108 00:07:03.240 --> 00:07:11.040 decided that I was fine because part of yeah, yeah, part of being 109 00:07:11.160 --> 00:07:13.560 I'm sure you know what it's like to work hard and be a really, 110 00:07:13.560 --> 00:07:17.279 really, really driven person and sometimes, when you are a person that has 111 00:07:17.360 --> 00:07:19.399 to be a lot of places and do a lot of things, you don't 112 00:07:19.439 --> 00:07:24.360 have time to process what happened. Right. So, a couple days later, 113 00:07:24.439 --> 00:07:27.600 it was actually the morning of one of my very, very good friends 114 00:07:27.600 --> 00:07:31.680 and drag sisters wedding that I was in and and I was ironing and I 115 00:07:31.720 --> 00:07:34.160 was like, you know, when you're ironing, it's kind of like a 116 00:07:34.240 --> 00:07:39.360 mindless job. So I just started thinking about everything that happened and I I 117 00:07:40.560 --> 00:07:44.839 had a panic attack, but it was more, I mean, honestly, 118 00:07:44.959 --> 00:07:46.879 I don't know if you've ever had one in a last for a few minutes, 119 00:07:47.199 --> 00:07:50.759 but I thought I was going to pass out, have a heart attack 120 00:07:50.800 --> 00:07:55.120 and die, like I was like this is the end. Oh, yeah, 121 00:07:55.199 --> 00:07:59.120 yeah, Oh, I had been there. I know they are. 122 00:07:59.279 --> 00:08:03.000 They are the worst thing in the world and you literally you think it is 123 00:08:03.040 --> 00:08:07.639 a heart attack. It is. It is overwhelming. Yes, I have 124 00:08:07.759 --> 00:08:11.439 been there. I hear you on that one. Honestly, what felt was 125 00:08:11.480 --> 00:08:15.120 just a few minutes changed my whole perspective on the outlook of my life and 126 00:08:15.160 --> 00:08:20.079 how I take care of myself mentally, and that's what honestly started this journey 127 00:08:20.079 --> 00:08:26.079 that I've been on to to refind myself. You know, I feel like 128 00:08:26.120 --> 00:08:30.000 when everything creubled, including my relationship, somewhere I lost myself, and that's 129 00:08:30.000 --> 00:08:35.080 a very, very odd coming from a person who seems to know know themselves 130 00:08:35.159 --> 00:08:37.080 very well in terms of their brand and stuff, but I it happened, 131 00:08:37.120 --> 00:08:41.840 and so that's that's where we're at. You didn't have to, I know 132 00:08:41.919 --> 00:08:43.440 you look at look, I mean, and then happens a lot when you 133 00:08:43.519 --> 00:08:48.279 when you're a person that's driven like and you. We both are, and 134 00:08:48.399 --> 00:08:52.679 it's we constantly are busy and working. We don't know what it's like to 135 00:08:52.759 --> 00:08:56.960 really not to like solow down and like they're like Oh selfcare, like I 136 00:08:56.000 --> 00:09:00.720 don't know what that is, because I we're always work, we're always busy, 137 00:09:00.799 --> 00:09:03.840 we have a schedule, we have appointments and things are going on and 138 00:09:03.879 --> 00:09:09.120 then all of a sudden this happens because you took a breath and you stopped 139 00:09:09.279 --> 00:09:13.919 and it all caught up with you, and that can be like that deck. 140 00:09:13.000 --> 00:09:16.360 That's life changing when you have a panic attack like that and all this 141 00:09:16.360 --> 00:09:22.159 stuff. I just remember like standing in after I could get up. I 142 00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:24.840 definitely was on the floor for a little bit, but I stood up and 143 00:09:24.879 --> 00:09:26.639 I just started crying and, like I called my friend. I was like, 144 00:09:26.720 --> 00:09:28.759 I don't know if I can make it to the wedding. I did 145 00:09:28.759 --> 00:09:31.480 make it because it was an evening wedding and thank goodness for that. Otherwise 146 00:09:31.519 --> 00:09:35.240 I don't know that it would have would have happened, but I was just 147 00:09:35.320 --> 00:09:39.399 like I can't do anything, like I know that I need to do these 148 00:09:39.399 --> 00:09:43.080 things and people are exciting for me, but I like I just feel so 149 00:09:43.200 --> 00:09:46.039 broken and it I never felt that way. I felt so much that way. 150 00:09:46.080 --> 00:09:48.399 Obviously you know, I've been through struggle in my life, but this 151 00:09:48.480 --> 00:09:52.559 was it was just something different. So it was time to take unexpected and 152 00:09:52.600 --> 00:09:56.279 you had a lot going on and that that that can change very instantly like 153 00:09:56.320 --> 00:09:58.200 that, and then you have to deal with it. All. We count, 154 00:09:58.200 --> 00:10:03.120 you have all the stuff and then this happens and you have to go 155 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:07.399 through you you're at a wedding. You're so going through all this stuff. 156 00:10:07.399 --> 00:10:13.039 Oh girl, that was girl, that was a whole nut. I seriously 157 00:10:13.080 --> 00:10:16.039 like I think the photographer literally captured every single moment that I was not crying 158 00:10:16.039 --> 00:10:20.720 at a bass in that whole thing, because any other time like I was 159 00:10:20.799 --> 00:10:24.440 just like I just kept pride. Everything Wick wicked is the flowers are so 160 00:10:24.519 --> 00:10:28.480 beautiful. You know, not take much to set me off at that wedding. 161 00:10:28.559 --> 00:10:31.960 But got through it and my friend was very understanding. So we'll find 162 00:10:33.000 --> 00:10:37.240 it, find that photographer a day of extra. That's awesome, I mean 163 00:10:37.360 --> 00:10:41.000 really right. Thank you for that. Thank you. Yes, yes, 164 00:10:41.080 --> 00:10:46.799 so, all right, that is an awful rough thing to go through and 165 00:10:46.000 --> 00:10:50.960 it really change things. So what parts of your outlook on life change? 166 00:10:52.039 --> 00:10:56.320 Like what? What after that panic attack? What happened? What change for 167 00:10:56.399 --> 00:11:00.559 you? One of the things I think about is that when you're young or 168 00:11:00.600 --> 00:11:03.120 younger, you know, it's really easy to think that you have your whole 169 00:11:03.120 --> 00:11:07.799 life ahead of you. So in this life you're kind of born, you 170 00:11:07.840 --> 00:11:09.159 grow up, you figure out what you want to do and hopefully you go 171 00:11:09.200 --> 00:11:13.120 out and get it and you meet people older than you and they say things 172 00:11:13.159 --> 00:11:15.639 like Oh, you have a Bright Future, oh you have your whole life 173 00:11:15.639 --> 00:11:20.679 of headed view, and you just believe them. And having this experience where 174 00:11:22.120 --> 00:11:24.639 instantly, like my whole world can closing in on me, it became more 175 00:11:24.679 --> 00:11:30.120 real than I've ever felt in life that those things aren't necessarily true. You 176 00:11:30.240 --> 00:11:33.919 don't know what time you have on this earth. Like I mean if you 177 00:11:33.919 --> 00:11:35.279 would ask me in that moment, like this is the end of my life. 178 00:11:35.279 --> 00:11:39.799 So there's a lot of there was a lot of feelings of like how 179 00:11:39.879 --> 00:11:43.080 am I living? Am I doing? Am I truly doing everything I want 180 00:11:43.120 --> 00:11:45.879 to do? You know, I even had conversation your self like if that 181 00:11:45.919 --> 00:11:48.080 had been the end, was I happy with the life that I lived? 182 00:11:48.120 --> 00:11:52.440 You know, and that's a lot of emotions to put through. Yeah, 183 00:11:52.600 --> 00:11:56.360 I also was raised in a family where education and working hard will get you 184 00:11:56.360 --> 00:12:01.279 where you want to go. And while I'm not saying that that isn't true, 185 00:12:01.360 --> 00:12:03.480 it's just not common that you grow up and you learn how to deal 186 00:12:03.519 --> 00:12:07.840 with difficult times. You know, you don't learn about the stages of grief 187 00:12:07.919 --> 00:12:11.200 right away or how to regulate anxiety and emotions or how to value yourself or 188 00:12:11.360 --> 00:12:15.759 knowing who's good in your life and stuff like that. So you know, 189 00:12:15.919 --> 00:12:18.759 you learn those things when they happen the first time. Like I've there was 190 00:12:18.799 --> 00:12:22.559 a book title what to do when working stressful, you're not talking to your 191 00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:24.279 best friend and you're from partner wants to break up with you. I literally 192 00:12:24.320 --> 00:12:33.159 would have hid thousands for a copy. Okay, I absolutely so definitely figuring 193 00:12:33.159 --> 00:12:35.759 out what to do from there, because you know you're sitting there and you've 194 00:12:35.799 --> 00:12:39.360 just had this complete breakdown and it's like where, where do I go? 195 00:12:39.679 --> 00:12:43.159 But one of the things I did realize, you know, when you go 196 00:12:43.200 --> 00:12:45.879 through the breakup, it's like you want answers, you need answers like why 197 00:12:45.919 --> 00:12:48.759 wasn't I good enough? Why wasn't I worthy of this, and where did 198 00:12:48.759 --> 00:12:50.919 I do wrong? And I was so fixated for the first, you know, 199 00:12:52.320 --> 00:12:54.480 a couple weeks on that type of closure. But then when I realized 200 00:12:54.720 --> 00:13:01.399 is is that that's just avoiding a hard truth, like the relationships over and 201 00:13:01.559 --> 00:13:05.720 in any situation, no outside source is going to give me closure. Like 202 00:13:05.879 --> 00:13:09.720 the thing about closures that, while you may want it, you technically don't 203 00:13:09.799 --> 00:13:15.080 actually need it to move on. And so I've discovered that all the answers 204 00:13:15.080 --> 00:13:20.240 were within myself and the only thing I had control over was the steps that 205 00:13:20.320 --> 00:13:26.559 I do and the steps I take to move forward. Wow, that is 206 00:13:26.679 --> 00:13:31.279 powerful. Yeah, that is really are ful. Yeah, you don't need 207 00:13:31.360 --> 00:13:35.720 closure it. Oh, I'm like, wow, I'm sorry, but that. 208 00:13:37.200 --> 00:13:41.600 Listen, because just because I understand and I know what it's like to 209 00:13:41.639 --> 00:13:46.120 have that moment where you think that could be the end and you and it 210 00:13:46.159 --> 00:13:54.840 does make you reevaluate things and then and having that kind of breakup it, 211 00:13:54.720 --> 00:13:58.679 you just you question yourself. But then you get a rational to write, 212 00:13:58.679 --> 00:14:01.279 because we always are like, Oh, if I'd only warn read more, 213 00:14:01.480 --> 00:14:05.320 if I, you know, didn't eat all the chocolates from the you know 214 00:14:05.320 --> 00:14:09.240 what I mean. Like there's a rational things that your mind will go through, 215 00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:13.559 like when you're trying to deal with that, and I'm really impressed that 216 00:14:13.600 --> 00:14:16.960 you were like, Oh, hell, no, I'm stopping right here, 217 00:14:18.000 --> 00:14:20.200 like I'm not old. There was a time. Yeah, there, there 218 00:14:20.279 --> 00:14:26.200 was a solid time where it was a struggle. But I because you know, 219 00:14:26.240 --> 00:14:28.320 I have that pressure, because you like you, I was gone and 220 00:14:28.399 --> 00:14:31.919 you know, there in that time people were still expecting things from me and 221 00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:35.120 there was no warning. It just sort of happened. So I was like 222 00:14:35.200 --> 00:14:39.279 whatever I can do to quickly get myself back up and running, like I 223 00:14:39.279 --> 00:14:41.960 need to do it. So you just you don't want to put too much 224 00:14:41.960 --> 00:14:43.720 out there either, right, because it's personal life and you don't need to 225 00:14:43.720 --> 00:14:46.840 share every tibit. Well, we kind of are. I yes, tonight. 226 00:14:48.039 --> 00:14:52.559 I don't. I don't. You know, actually, we should talk 227 00:14:52.600 --> 00:14:56.039 about that. Somebody asked me why would you put your life out there, 228 00:14:56.080 --> 00:14:58.919 and I'm going to tell you right now the amount of pain that I went 229 00:14:58.960 --> 00:15:03.440 through, if I can say one person from having to go through like, 230 00:15:03.440 --> 00:15:05.360 like even taking a fraction of it a way, because I do feel that 231 00:15:05.480 --> 00:15:11.320 pain does have the power to grow joy. So I don't want to say 232 00:15:11.320 --> 00:15:13.159 that someone should never experience pain in their life, but if telling my story 233 00:15:13.279 --> 00:15:18.159 can help somebody with theirs and make it just the burden, even just the 234 00:15:18.200 --> 00:15:20.399 tiniest bit easier. I know it's worth it because it's just it's not a 235 00:15:20.399 --> 00:15:26.039 good place to beg in. It is worth it and I think your listeners 236 00:15:26.159 --> 00:15:31.240 care, and high listeners, I know that they care about you. I 237 00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:33.159 say hi to have I don't know if I said hi to them. I 238 00:15:33.159 --> 00:15:35.519 said Hi to you, but I say I them too. But you know, 239 00:15:35.799 --> 00:15:39.440 they care and they want to support you and I think in the position 240 00:15:39.480 --> 00:15:43.320 that you're in, especially in the podcasting world. This is what I know, 241 00:15:43.759 --> 00:15:50.159 is that they respond and support when we are vulnerable and honest and tell 242 00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:54.600 our stories and the things that we have been through, and you are doing 243 00:15:54.639 --> 00:16:00.000 that and I think that connects with them and it's really it's really important and, 244 00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:03.519 like anyone listening, I want you to do a hell yes right now, 245 00:16:03.519 --> 00:16:07.120 because you know you're agreeing with me. So I'm right there with you. 246 00:16:07.200 --> 00:16:11.879 My hand is literally in the air right now. Yes, this is 247 00:16:11.879 --> 00:16:15.200 what we're talking about. So I'm going to dig a little deeper. I 248 00:16:15.240 --> 00:16:17.919 know they want to hear more, so I'm going to dig a little deeper. 249 00:16:18.039 --> 00:16:22.159 Yeah, what what has your mental health journey been like? What is 250 00:16:22.200 --> 00:16:26.120 that Bens like for you? Facing trauma is is really, really scary, 251 00:16:26.159 --> 00:16:30.919 and in the past what I've kind of done is I throw myself into my 252 00:16:30.960 --> 00:16:33.919 career or into whatever I have going on. In this time, I didn't 253 00:16:33.919 --> 00:16:37.600 want to do that. I wanted to face my past so that ultimately I 254 00:16:37.679 --> 00:16:41.360 could have a better future. And one of the thing one of my friends 255 00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:44.519 told me. They're like, you know, most people would just find somebody 256 00:16:44.519 --> 00:16:47.120 else, you know, they just move on and find somebody else, and 257 00:16:47.159 --> 00:16:49.240 I was like no, I was like that's not what I need. I 258 00:16:49.240 --> 00:16:52.320 need to take this time and fix myself. I you know, I just 259 00:16:52.600 --> 00:16:59.120 was really tired of, I almost was going to say failing that relationships, 260 00:16:59.159 --> 00:17:00.879 but since there's no other way to put it, failing that relationships. However, 261 00:17:00.919 --> 00:17:04.200 one thing I am learning is that there is no relationship that's a failure 262 00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:07.880 as long as you learn something. So there's that. We're keeping the spirit 263 00:17:07.920 --> 00:17:14.799 today. The other thing is that I've learned that when people show you who 264 00:17:14.839 --> 00:17:18.720 they are, believe them the first time, and that's a quote by my 265 00:17:18.759 --> 00:17:23.000 favorite author, my Antelo. Yes, and it's just so important to stop 266 00:17:23.000 --> 00:17:27.319 expecting them to be something other than who they are. And I've seen that, 267 00:17:27.400 --> 00:17:32.440 in a way in my relationship. I had created some of my own 268 00:17:32.480 --> 00:17:37.319 expectations that weren't necessarily realistic, and that's not a problem with them, with 269 00:17:37.400 --> 00:17:40.319 a relationship that was that was a problem with me, you know, and 270 00:17:40.359 --> 00:17:42.359 I had to accept that. And so but in a lot of ways, 271 00:17:42.359 --> 00:17:47.720 when I was hurting, the most surprising of people did step in and help 272 00:17:47.839 --> 00:17:52.519 me and it just really showed me who was really here for my life and 273 00:17:52.920 --> 00:17:56.720 who wasn't. And I have a whole different perspective on on my friendships and, 274 00:17:56.799 --> 00:17:57.880 you know, the relationships I have. That's been a part of the 275 00:17:57.920 --> 00:18:04.119 journey. I would they probably the most challenging thing is learning that my soul 276 00:18:04.119 --> 00:18:08.720 deserves to be at peace. I don't yet think now think that souls are 277 00:18:08.759 --> 00:18:14.759 carried to build anger and resentment or sadness for too long and you're never going 278 00:18:14.799 --> 00:18:18.200 to enjoy the moment and be happy if your spirit is so full of negatigy 279 00:18:18.359 --> 00:18:21.359 and anger. So I had to find a way to let that go and 280 00:18:21.400 --> 00:18:26.880 that starts with forgiveness. So forgiveness begins with you. I know I made 281 00:18:26.880 --> 00:18:30.799 a lot of mistakes. I actually I've really dived into like my personality type 282 00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:33.960 and I you know, I got a big heart, but it doesn't always 283 00:18:33.960 --> 00:18:38.039 come out that way. Like you, I have a quick tongue that doesn't 284 00:18:38.039 --> 00:18:44.400 always sound yes situations. So I kind of you know when you just like 285 00:18:44.400 --> 00:18:45.599 you were kind of talking about earlier, like what did I do, like 286 00:18:45.720 --> 00:18:48.240 maybe I shouldn't have done this. I had to quiet that voice and to 287 00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:52.599 say you know what, like you did do the best you could and you 288 00:18:52.640 --> 00:18:57.079 were always trying to be better. So don't let this stop you from doing 289 00:18:57.119 --> 00:19:00.799 that. And that was kind of my way of forgiving myself. But but 290 00:19:00.839 --> 00:19:03.680 then you have to forgive others. I mean, they're the reports of my 291 00:19:03.680 --> 00:19:08.400 relationship where I don't think everything was truthful, and I'll leave that part there. 292 00:19:08.440 --> 00:19:11.160 But the truth isn't that no one's perfect. Right, I'll leave that 293 00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:15.920 there. But the truth is that no one's perfect and everyone has their enter 294 00:19:15.920 --> 00:19:18.359 demons that we struggle with every day. And just like I'm struggling with something, 295 00:19:18.400 --> 00:19:21.519 that doesn't mean my former partner wasn't struggling with things that I didn't know 296 00:19:21.519 --> 00:19:25.279 about. And that doesn't make them anymore, doesn't make them bad person or 297 00:19:25.279 --> 00:19:27.519 anything. It's just that they had a journey too, and so just sort 298 00:19:27.519 --> 00:19:32.160 of forgiving the situation from that perspective, saying like then, no one gets 299 00:19:32.200 --> 00:19:34.799 into a relationship wants to hurt them sirt somebody. Right, like it's just 300 00:19:34.839 --> 00:19:37.519 doesn't work out sometimes. So well, most of the time. Well, 301 00:19:37.759 --> 00:19:41.000 yeah, almost of the time, not even most of both of them right. 302 00:19:41.079 --> 00:19:45.880 So just finding that forgiveness in myself and even if I don't get, 303 00:19:45.960 --> 00:19:49.279 quote unquote, and apology or the closure I've talked about before, it's your 304 00:19:49.319 --> 00:19:52.839 forgiving the situation and the person for you, you know, so that you 305 00:19:52.880 --> 00:19:56.200 can move on and be free. So yes, you have to forgive, 306 00:19:56.279 --> 00:20:00.319 you have to let it go, because all of that anger, it doesn't 307 00:20:00.400 --> 00:20:07.279 it doesn't serve you. It doesn't serve you moving forward. Learn the lessons, 308 00:20:07.279 --> 00:20:11.039 but, you know, pick yourself up and get through those things and 309 00:20:11.119 --> 00:20:17.119 don't don't dwell in it, because it you'll find out later it's probably tears. 310 00:20:17.119 --> 00:20:19.079 Those were those years of wisdom coming out at you now. But, 311 00:20:19.240 --> 00:20:22.319 ha ha, I love it, I love it, but you're going to 312 00:20:22.359 --> 00:20:26.880 find out that, like it was actually a blessing and actually went in the 313 00:20:26.920 --> 00:20:30.319 right direction and moved you forward and you're better. You're better for it. 314 00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:34.359 So there's a thing when you know better, you do better. So you 315 00:20:34.400 --> 00:20:37.960 know better, you do better. What do you know about yourself now that 316 00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:42.400 you didn't do before? What was what's changed? I figured out that there's 317 00:20:42.480 --> 00:20:47.720 different types of attachment right and so I've been read a lot of stuff by 318 00:20:47.759 --> 00:20:49.640 Amy Chan. She is the break up expert. Her Book Break Up Boot 319 00:20:49.680 --> 00:20:52.039 Camp, is amazing. So if you're going through that right now, get 320 00:20:52.079 --> 00:20:56.880 you on Amazon and pick that up. So there's anxious attachment type, secure 321 00:20:56.920 --> 00:21:00.480 attachment types and then avoided and attached from types. So one of the things 322 00:21:00.519 --> 00:21:04.880 I kind of figured out myself is that I have a lot of anxiousness when 323 00:21:04.880 --> 00:21:08.880 I come to my attachment types. I'm I now realize that it's like the 324 00:21:08.880 --> 00:21:12.200 way I connect with people. I can have anxiety about a situation that isn't 325 00:21:12.240 --> 00:21:15.079 real. So one of the things I started doing is I've kind of been 326 00:21:15.200 --> 00:21:18.559 like, you know what, when I feel a little anxiety, I'm like, 327 00:21:18.759 --> 00:21:22.240 is there actually a real threat to me or the situation? No, 328 00:21:22.319 --> 00:21:26.200 there's probably not, so calm down girl, like it's like like just starting 329 00:21:26.240 --> 00:21:30.400 to think realize that that's how I connect with the world. And they say 330 00:21:30.480 --> 00:21:33.400 when you react to trauma, you people tend to fight, flight or freeze. 331 00:21:33.759 --> 00:21:37.359 I'm a fighter, which, I will say, in a lot of 332 00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:41.440 areas of my life, especially living, you know, the lgbt Li lifestyle, 333 00:21:41.519 --> 00:21:44.880 which can cause, you know, a lot of like conflict and turmoil 334 00:21:44.920 --> 00:21:47.599 in terms of getting places you want to go and stuff. Even being black 335 00:21:47.720 --> 00:21:52.240 is the same thing. My reaction to adversity is to fight, but if 336 00:21:52.240 --> 00:21:56.200 you're in a relationship, you should not be fighting with someone that's your partner, 337 00:21:56.240 --> 00:21:59.480 and not like physical but like I just get very defensive and, you 338 00:21:59.480 --> 00:22:02.279 know, like if something's going wrong, I like put up my you know, 339 00:22:02.319 --> 00:22:03.200 put up my shield and I'm like, you know, I'm ready for 340 00:22:03.240 --> 00:22:06.599 battle, and that's not how it should work. So I did learn that 341 00:22:06.640 --> 00:22:11.559 about me. And then the last thing is, and I feel secure when 342 00:22:11.599 --> 00:22:15.200 I am the Chaser, but if someone actually approaches me, it's so crazy 343 00:22:15.279 --> 00:22:18.119 because I have such a big personel and you think I'd be totally confident. 344 00:22:18.319 --> 00:22:22.359 I it literally just happened. I had this very, very, very handsome 345 00:22:22.359 --> 00:22:26.599 guy approached me at a show the other day and I literally was just like 346 00:22:26.599 --> 00:22:29.720 our Allala so, and I'm like, well, why is that? WELLCO 347 00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:33.640 right. So now I know that it's because I'm used to be in the 348 00:22:33.720 --> 00:22:37.920 hunter and not the hunted. So it's an it's a foreign situation for me 349 00:22:37.039 --> 00:22:41.640 and so if someone is genuinely so an interested, I actually don't know what 350 00:22:41.720 --> 00:22:44.640 to do. And now I've have some tools and stuff that I've been using 351 00:22:44.640 --> 00:22:47.559 to kind of help me with that. But those were some realizations that that 352 00:22:47.599 --> 00:22:51.200 really really helped me understand myself and how I connect with the world. A 353 00:22:51.279 --> 00:22:55.160 lot of situations that we're facing, you know my matter, how challenging. 354 00:22:55.480 --> 00:22:59.200 They say there's a silver lining. You know, there's always something. What 355 00:22:59.400 --> 00:23:03.960 is your silver lining? That's a great question. I did an exercise in 356 00:23:03.000 --> 00:23:07.960 which I wrote out all of my past relationships and I did good and bad 357 00:23:07.960 --> 00:23:11.599 for those people. I wrote out all of my friends, I did good 358 00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:15.839 and bad for those people, and then I wrote out my parents and I 359 00:23:15.839 --> 00:23:22.480 did good and bad for them. And what I realize is that all of 360 00:23:22.519 --> 00:23:27.599 my friends are like my mom and all of my relationships are like my dad. 361 00:23:27.599 --> 00:23:30.880 And before, yeah, before I say what I wrote about my dad, 362 00:23:30.880 --> 00:23:33.920 I do want to say one thing, and just bear with me, 363 00:23:33.920 --> 00:23:37.400 people, because it will make sense when I'm done. My father always provided 364 00:23:37.519 --> 00:23:41.119 for us. We never grew up wanting for anything and I think that any 365 00:23:41.119 --> 00:23:44.480 father that does that deserves a lot of respect. My father is also a 366 00:23:44.480 --> 00:23:47.319 black man and was able to do that from my family, so that is 367 00:23:47.359 --> 00:23:51.640 even a harder struggle and deserves even more respect. So when I say these 368 00:23:51.680 --> 00:23:55.759 things, I am not discrediting the sacrifice that he made to make sure that 369 00:23:55.839 --> 00:24:02.039 myself and my siblings had a good life. With that being said, that 370 00:24:02.079 --> 00:24:07.119 was the only thing I could write that was good. Everything else involved a 371 00:24:07.119 --> 00:24:11.920 lot of emotional unavailability, and then it became clear to me why I get 372 00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:18.079 attached to unavailable men is because maybe I'm trying to fix what is broken or 373 00:24:18.079 --> 00:24:22.759 what I'm not yet at peace within myself and my relationship with my dad. 374 00:24:22.799 --> 00:24:26.839 But where the silver lining comes in is, as I mentioned on your show, 375 00:24:27.119 --> 00:24:30.359 I didn't talk to my mom for ten years and when I did this 376 00:24:30.440 --> 00:24:37.599 exercise, I called her up and I said, I am so sorry that 377 00:24:37.640 --> 00:24:41.680 I didn't talk to you for ten years. I now realize that you were 378 00:24:41.680 --> 00:24:47.039 trying to provide love for two parents and Oh my God, I said I 379 00:24:47.039 --> 00:24:49.759 wasn't going to cry. I was like, that has to be really hard 380 00:24:49.880 --> 00:24:56.000 to have done and I'm sorry that I didn't realize that before. And she 381 00:24:56.079 --> 00:25:00.880 just said. I just want you to know that all is forgiven and if 382 00:25:00.920 --> 00:25:03.000 anything ever happened to me, the only thing I want you to know is 383 00:25:03.039 --> 00:25:10.440 just that I how much I love you, who it's so having that moment, 384 00:25:12.359 --> 00:25:15.640 having that moment, something from my childhood did get healed, and I'm 385 00:25:15.680 --> 00:25:18.920 not going to to say that I don't, you know, have more to 386 00:25:18.960 --> 00:25:23.799 do, but that was something that got healed that I very much desperately needed. 387 00:25:23.880 --> 00:25:26.279 So you know, like, like you just said, you know you're 388 00:25:26.279 --> 00:25:29.880 going to look back at this experience and realize that it was a blessing and 389 00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:33.839 and I do know that at least that very one thing has been a blessing 390 00:25:33.920 --> 00:25:37.519 for me. That's a huge blessing and I tell you I would as a 391 00:25:37.599 --> 00:25:42.319 mom, I can speak to that and say I completely understand it. And 392 00:25:42.519 --> 00:25:47.440 Yeah, and all is forgiven. Truly, in a mother's heart, always 393 00:25:47.559 --> 00:25:52.279 and always forgiven. There's a thing that I say to my kids and to 394 00:25:52.400 --> 00:25:56.119 my best friends, and it's most. Whenever I sign off, I write 395 00:25:56.119 --> 00:26:00.480 exo, EXO, and then I write most, and what most stands for 396 00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:03.880 is that mother's kind of love that always and forever, no matter what you 397 00:26:03.960 --> 00:26:07.759 do, it doesn't matter. I am always going to love you and be 398 00:26:07.799 --> 00:26:11.240 there for you. I'm more than anybody else. So I put most. 399 00:26:11.279 --> 00:26:15.119 I love that till do them as my kids, and so we can get 400 00:26:15.160 --> 00:26:19.160 angry as mom's and we can have a lot of moments. I have at 401 00:26:19.200 --> 00:26:23.720 a moment that just really like make me. They make me crazy, especially 402 00:26:23.720 --> 00:26:29.279 when they're adults, because they're really hard to parent when they're adults. Talking 403 00:26:29.359 --> 00:26:33.480 about my fingers are broken, I can't call my mom right so we have 404 00:26:33.640 --> 00:26:37.920 those moments, but it doesn't matter. Those are instantly the at the second 405 00:26:37.960 --> 00:26:41.279 I do hear from them or we talk or see each other. It's just 406 00:26:41.400 --> 00:26:44.920 I just I just want to see their face and kiss them and hug them 407 00:26:44.960 --> 00:26:48.400 and love on them. So that's just in what a mother does and I 408 00:26:48.559 --> 00:26:52.079 am so glad that you had that moment because that is so special. Where's 409 00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:57.480 your emotion as you're starting to make these these phone calls to your mom and 410 00:26:57.680 --> 00:27:03.519 doing this, Reef Selection? How are you feelings? What is it your 411 00:27:03.720 --> 00:27:07.240 your what is in your heart and your soul at this point? Just a 412 00:27:07.480 --> 00:27:11.359 lot of self love. I'm so just back in love with the world and 413 00:27:11.480 --> 00:27:15.920 with life again, and I, as soon as I got it together, 414 00:27:15.440 --> 00:27:19.680 all types of projects and stuff came in and I had situations like with my 415 00:27:19.960 --> 00:27:22.440 drag career. It's like, why can't I get this opportunity and what's holding 416 00:27:22.480 --> 00:27:26.119 me back and why don't they look at me? And it's because, you 417 00:27:26.240 --> 00:27:30.680 know, maybe I just wasn't allowing myself to just give into what the universe 418 00:27:30.759 --> 00:27:34.640 has to offer, and a part of this was really just breaking my I 419 00:27:34.759 --> 00:27:37.240 broke down. So I had no choice just to like, you know, 420 00:27:37.599 --> 00:27:41.680 try to put myself back together, and once I did, I still feel 421 00:27:41.720 --> 00:27:44.519 so much love. I want to put good things out into the world and 422 00:27:45.160 --> 00:27:48.519 I definitely still have work to do, but I'm doing it and that's what 423 00:27:48.599 --> 00:27:52.039 matters. That's where I'm at. I'm in a really, really good spot. 424 00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:56.640 That's amazing. Okay, so we have all these things that have happened, 425 00:27:56.119 --> 00:28:00.759 and I know that we had spoken a couple times now, yeah, 426 00:28:00.839 --> 00:28:06.960 since the podcast, and tell me what you mean by refraining a bad situation 427 00:28:07.279 --> 00:28:11.440 and how are you doing that? reframing, oh my goodness, himself lead 428 00:28:11.480 --> 00:28:15.000 you about that up. Thank you for reading that up. I'm not fray, 429 00:28:15.480 --> 00:28:18.440 I am on it. Yes, yes, yes, reframing reframing is 430 00:28:18.599 --> 00:28:22.279 huge. Oh my goodness, is huge. Okay, so reframing. You 431 00:28:22.559 --> 00:28:26.640 kind of mentioned it before. Does your story serve you? Okay, so 432 00:28:27.480 --> 00:28:32.240 we're all going to go through this stuff and we are going to have bad 433 00:28:32.279 --> 00:28:37.400 situations, but life is nothing if not a collage of experiences and situations that 434 00:28:37.440 --> 00:28:41.680 are unique to you. So kind of in the same way that two people 435 00:28:41.759 --> 00:28:45.039 can read the same book and connect and walk away with completely different things, 436 00:28:45.440 --> 00:28:48.799 you are past and your story, the good and the bad. It's actually 437 00:28:48.960 --> 00:28:53.400 just as versatile. So it's kind of like, yeah, the situation sucks 438 00:28:53.519 --> 00:28:59.319 and it sucks, but how can I reframe this in my mind to make 439 00:28:59.400 --> 00:29:03.119 this the best situation I can be it can be? So for me, 440 00:29:03.319 --> 00:29:07.039 what I did with my relationship is that, you know what, this one 441 00:29:07.119 --> 00:29:11.519 didn't work out, but I know more about myself than I ever did before. 442 00:29:11.119 --> 00:29:15.279 I learned things about myself that I can take into the next relationship. 443 00:29:15.720 --> 00:29:21.200 So this relationship may have been the test run for the real love of my 444 00:29:21.279 --> 00:29:26.000 life and I'm more ready than I ever have been before in life to welcome 445 00:29:26.079 --> 00:29:30.559 that into my life when it happens. You know. Yes, so I 446 00:29:30.720 --> 00:29:33.200 really just want to encourage people then, instead of viewing their past is some 447 00:29:33.400 --> 00:29:38.160 tragic story, view it as a necessary part of your destiny. There was 448 00:29:38.200 --> 00:29:41.839 a time where I felt broken and it's very easy to start looking at yourself 449 00:29:41.880 --> 00:29:44.960 like, oh my goodness, I'm all these brooken pieces and I'm not this 450 00:29:45.079 --> 00:29:48.119 and I'm not that. But you know what, all the the stuff that 451 00:29:48.200 --> 00:29:52.960 you've been through creates a wisdom and a depth that you just can't get without 452 00:29:53.079 --> 00:29:56.880 living life, and that makes you so valuable to the world. And I 453 00:29:56.960 --> 00:30:00.680 agree that a thousand percent, and that's really in portant. You know, 454 00:30:00.759 --> 00:30:03.000 when you see people with all these things, going on a new book and 455 00:30:03.759 --> 00:30:07.559 you know show and all these things, there's a lot of there can be 456 00:30:07.599 --> 00:30:11.759 a lot of pain underneath that too, and we don't always want to show 457 00:30:11.880 --> 00:30:15.599 that to people. So your honesty is amazing and will really help people. 458 00:30:17.119 --> 00:30:22.400 So if someone that's listening is struggling with any type of emotional pain, like 459 00:30:22.640 --> 00:30:26.000 what would you say to them? I want to go back to someone I 460 00:30:26.119 --> 00:30:29.720 mentioned before and I just have to credit them for being a big part of 461 00:30:29.759 --> 00:30:33.000 my journey. Amy Chan, author breakup boot camp. She says our greatest 462 00:30:33.079 --> 00:30:38.079 lesson in this lifetime is to practice opening our hearts, even when it hurts, 463 00:30:38.920 --> 00:30:44.480 especially when it hurts. Yeah, so if you're like most people, 464 00:30:45.000 --> 00:30:47.759 you know you find it easy to open up your heart when everything's good and 465 00:30:47.839 --> 00:30:51.759 readily and rosy. But the real test of a truly open heart comes when 466 00:30:52.359 --> 00:30:55.680 you can do it when your heart feels threatened been and one thing I actually 467 00:30:55.720 --> 00:30:57.960 realize is that I've actually been doing that my whole life, because I've been 468 00:30:59.039 --> 00:31:00.680 knocked down so many times, like as a drag queen, for example, 469 00:31:02.079 --> 00:31:06.240 but I kept keeping my heart open so that eventually, one day I was 470 00:31:06.319 --> 00:31:07.640 like, it's not always going to be this way, it's just hard right 471 00:31:07.720 --> 00:31:11.359 now, and if you just keep working hard, I kept my heart open 472 00:31:11.440 --> 00:31:15.480 and my mind open in my drive going to accept all the new opportunities in 473 00:31:15.559 --> 00:31:18.920 my life, and now I have a lot of great opportunities and I still 474 00:31:18.000 --> 00:31:21.400 want more, but in terms of my relationships and stuff like that, I 475 00:31:21.480 --> 00:31:23.960 have to do the same thing. So, no matter how difficult it gets, 476 00:31:25.200 --> 00:31:27.599 please, please, please, snacks, keep your heart open. You 477 00:31:27.759 --> 00:31:30.920 do not know what the next stay is going to bring. And then reach 478 00:31:32.039 --> 00:31:34.920 out to I'm yes, yes, student, talk things that helped you and 479 00:31:36.039 --> 00:31:38.519 people that did. You know, reach out and find someone to talk to, 480 00:31:38.759 --> 00:31:42.680 because that or scream at like. I know I've had a friends that 481 00:31:42.720 --> 00:31:45.960 have been going through stuff and I'm like, listen, if you just want 482 00:31:47.000 --> 00:31:48.799 to call me on the phone and we can both scream at the top of 483 00:31:48.880 --> 00:31:52.000 our lungs, let's do it, like if we just need to get that 484 00:31:52.119 --> 00:31:56.160 out right, if we're just in vain and things are going wrong, sometimes 485 00:31:56.160 --> 00:31:57.839 you just need someone to scream with you. All right. Well, I 486 00:31:57.960 --> 00:32:02.079 got to ask. Your show is all about chasing goals and dreams. So 487 00:32:02.599 --> 00:32:08.960 where you see yourself in five years? That's great question. I want to 488 00:32:09.039 --> 00:32:14.640 own my own home. I want to have been a national TV a few 489 00:32:14.720 --> 00:32:19.720 times. Hopefully we're pauls Jack Race. But I've also open, also over 490 00:32:19.759 --> 00:32:21.920 to whatever the universe has for me. You know, that's what we're doing 491 00:32:21.960 --> 00:32:23.680 and we're working on keeping our hearts open and all that stuff. So whatever 492 00:32:23.759 --> 00:32:28.039 the universe has. One of the things I think about a relationship, which 493 00:32:29.279 --> 00:32:32.359 some people I've dated don't have the same values. I think the basis of 494 00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:37.079 a good relationship is a good friendship. So ideally, in five years I 495 00:32:37.119 --> 00:32:40.079 would like to be in the loving relationship with my best friend. So those 496 00:32:40.119 --> 00:32:43.960 are the things I want to do in five years. I love that. 497 00:32:44.400 --> 00:32:47.599 I mean I really, I seriously really love that. That that's that's where 498 00:32:47.599 --> 00:32:52.000 it that's where it is, and sometimes that person is closer than you think. 499 00:32:52.839 --> 00:32:58.079 Yes, yes, you know, you get sometimes we look too far 500 00:32:58.240 --> 00:33:01.200 away and we miss what straight in front of us. Yes, so, 501 00:33:01.519 --> 00:33:05.680 so, if any of my close friends are listening and you have secret feelings, 502 00:33:05.839 --> 00:33:10.559 now is the time. Okay, yeah, what's next? What? 503 00:33:10.839 --> 00:33:14.640 What's next in the future? What do you get going on? That's coming 504 00:33:14.720 --> 00:33:16.920 up? Oh my goodness. So we talked about it on your show, 505 00:33:17.079 --> 00:33:22.839 but I am in a web series coming out very soon, real soon actually. 506 00:33:22.000 --> 00:33:27.079 It's called it's not you, and I play the character Andre, who 507 00:33:27.200 --> 00:33:30.839 is the best friend to the main character. We actually I got to reunite 508 00:33:30.880 --> 00:33:34.880 with some of the cast and have pizza. That was that was a really 509 00:33:35.119 --> 00:33:37.119 it was like one of my first times out of the house. It's everything 510 00:33:37.160 --> 00:33:39.119 happened. So that was actually super cool and we're all super excited to see 511 00:33:39.119 --> 00:33:43.759 how it turns out, and I'm coming to the viewing party. So yeah, 512 00:33:44.039 --> 00:33:46.640 I guess. Yes, on my instagram right now and you can follow 513 00:33:46.720 --> 00:33:51.519 me and there's actually a few clips, a few like still shots of the 514 00:33:51.599 --> 00:33:52.599 movie. So or, sorry, the web series, I should say. 515 00:33:52.799 --> 00:33:57.319 So that's really exciting. Obviously you know I have my book but due to 516 00:33:57.440 --> 00:33:59.839 Covid I couldn't really do a launch. So I am going to do some 517 00:33:59.920 --> 00:34:02.039 type of launch event the summer here in the twin cities for a lordering heart 518 00:34:02.319 --> 00:34:08.079 and then I actually I can't, unfortunately, I can't say who, but 519 00:34:08.679 --> 00:34:13.519 for twin cities pride, I'm going to be on the main stage, hosting 520 00:34:13.760 --> 00:34:19.159 and opening for like someone really famous and I don't know. For those who 521 00:34:19.199 --> 00:34:22.519 aren't for those who are familiar with twin Citi sprize, I'm not talking about 522 00:34:22.519 --> 00:34:24.639 the like smaller stage that has a lot of drag, which I have been 523 00:34:24.719 --> 00:34:28.199 on that stage and its fabulous looking around. Like I'm will be on the 524 00:34:28.320 --> 00:34:31.400 big stage. So I'm still excited over that. Please stay tuned, because 525 00:34:31.480 --> 00:34:34.599 I like what I got the call. I was like, Huh, you 526 00:34:34.719 --> 00:34:39.000 all will me to do? Oh, Oh God, so, but I 527 00:34:39.159 --> 00:34:44.679 was exciting your call. Thank you very much. I thought they were just 528 00:34:44.760 --> 00:34:46.440 going to ask me to host the show on like the the smaller stage where 529 00:34:46.440 --> 00:34:49.960 they have dragon, which I'm more than excited about. Like, I'd love 530 00:34:50.079 --> 00:34:52.159 prides and I get I get super excited to do festival. So it's all 531 00:34:52.199 --> 00:34:54.480 good energy and everyone just one set fun. So I love it. But 532 00:34:54.519 --> 00:35:00.719 when I got this cost and no Bood, this is it? So related 533 00:35:00.880 --> 00:35:07.039 to that. It's actually part of an initiative to create an entertainment organization that 534 00:35:07.119 --> 00:35:12.480 focuses on Queer people of color. So I've actually am in some meetings like 535 00:35:12.639 --> 00:35:15.920 trying to get this organization set up. So please stay tuned to my social 536 00:35:15.960 --> 00:35:16.840 media for that. We're going to need a lot of support. But I 537 00:35:17.000 --> 00:35:22.039 do think that there should be more space for queer creatives of color to shine 538 00:35:22.079 --> 00:35:25.039 and do their thing. So I'm excited to be involved in that. But 539 00:35:25.159 --> 00:35:31.039 of course, the most important thing is continuing my mental health journey and continuing 540 00:35:31.199 --> 00:35:35.239 to keep my heart open for love. So that's number one. Well, 541 00:35:35.239 --> 00:35:37.000 I want you to do I want you to promise me something. Yeah, 542 00:35:37.079 --> 00:35:44.360 I want you to promise that you are going to keep me and all the 543 00:35:44.440 --> 00:35:49.480 listeners here, everyone included, and just keep us updated and let us know 544 00:35:49.599 --> 00:35:53.800 how it's going, because even if you have struggles that are coming up, 545 00:35:54.320 --> 00:36:00.119 share those because you'll feel better. And if you have joyful moments, share 546 00:36:00.239 --> 00:36:02.880 those as well. You don't have to do it on the podcast. You 547 00:36:02.960 --> 00:36:07.920 could do it on social media or wherever you feel most comfortable. But share 548 00:36:07.039 --> 00:36:10.679 that journey because we all want to take it with you. We all want 549 00:36:10.679 --> 00:36:15.440 to be a part of it and support you, and so please let us 550 00:36:15.559 --> 00:36:17.679 come along for the ride. You know what we're going to do. We'll 551 00:36:17.679 --> 00:36:21.559 figure out our schedules, but maybe we'll do like a sixmonth, one year 552 00:36:21.679 --> 00:36:24.880 check in. Will have a low reunion episode on the Saks and so everyone 553 00:36:24.960 --> 00:36:28.719 can know how you're doing. We can check anyone. I'm doing it'll be 554 00:36:28.800 --> 00:36:32.000 great. Well, I will make that promise right now. I will bring 555 00:36:32.239 --> 00:36:37.840 extra snacks for that one. Yes, tell us what's coming up for you 556 00:36:37.119 --> 00:36:39.639 and tell my listeners where we can follow you in social media. I know 557 00:36:39.760 --> 00:36:43.280 everybody is probably fall in love with you, just as I have. So 558 00:36:43.480 --> 00:36:46.000 where can they find you and what's going on with plevate conversations? Well, 559 00:36:46.079 --> 00:36:50.840 I am always at the Clever Bach, so you can find me on all 560 00:36:50.920 --> 00:36:55.079 the socials. They're coming up for me. I have a mini series that 561 00:36:55.159 --> 00:37:00.519 I'm doing which is all about women's health and how we don't take care of 562 00:37:00.639 --> 00:37:05.880 ourselves and we forget about things and so that's going to be a weird to 563 00:37:05.920 --> 00:37:07.760 be talking. I've been going through a lot of medical things. I have 564 00:37:08.320 --> 00:37:12.960 some stuff coming up this week which your hope just so give me some positive 565 00:37:13.039 --> 00:37:15.800 vibes this week for all of them, all of them. But you know, 566 00:37:15.960 --> 00:37:17.639 I don't want any negative re I don't want any bad results from this 567 00:37:17.800 --> 00:37:23.760 test. But and then I got invited to go to La Fashion Week. 568 00:37:25.679 --> 00:37:30.079 All, Oh, you gonna, I'm excited. So you know what I'm 569 00:37:30.119 --> 00:37:35.199 for you. I guess it's amazing, right. I know who knows? 570 00:37:35.920 --> 00:37:38.079 PODCASTING is open a world of our opportunity. To me, I mean it's 571 00:37:38.159 --> 00:37:45.960 been phenomenal and I get to meet such wonderful people and beyond their fivecast, 572 00:37:45.159 --> 00:37:49.079 which is so much, but do so. I've loved meeting you, of 573 00:37:49.199 --> 00:37:52.320 Love Meeting these people and it's just it's open up a lot of doors for 574 00:37:52.440 --> 00:37:57.559 me to do all these great things. So I'm excited. Oh well, 575 00:37:57.760 --> 00:37:59.679 thank you, thank you, thank you so much for doing this for me. 576 00:37:59.840 --> 00:38:01.400 I cannot tell you from the bottom of my heart how much this means 577 00:38:01.440 --> 00:38:05.960 to me. Like it was great. Thank you for coming in and helping 578 00:38:06.000 --> 00:38:08.119 me really share that with my listeners. Thank you so much and thanks for 579 00:38:08.199 --> 00:38:12.519 listeners, for having me. I appreciate all of you and and I know 580 00:38:12.679 --> 00:38:15.440 we want to come along on this ride, on your journey. So so 581 00:38:15.719 --> 00:38:20.000 you know you're going to be phenomenal. Thank you all right, snacks. 582 00:38:20.079 --> 00:38:23.719 Please follow both of us on social media and until next time, go be 583 00:38:24.159 --> 00:38:29.679 fabulous. Hey, Senach, I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you 584 00:38:30.039 --> 00:38:34.920 or someone you know is suicidal or an emotional distress, please contact the National 585 00:38:35.039 --> 00:38:39.360 Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Train crisis workers are available to talk to twenty four hours 586 00:38:39.440 --> 00:38:44.840 a day, seven days a week. Your confidential and toll free call goes 587 00:38:44.880 --> 00:38:49.559 to the nearest crisis center in the like by national network. These centers provide 588 00:38:49.599 --> 00:38:54.159 crisis counseling and mental health referrals. You can call one eight hundred two seventy 589 00:38:54.199 --> 00:38:59.840 three, top. That's one eight hundred two, seven three, eight two 590 00:39:00.239 --> 00:39:06.320 five, or visit suicide prevention lifeline dot org and remember it's never the wrong 591 00:39:06.440 --> 00:39:09.679 time to ask for help. Until next time, see you later. Snack. 592 -->