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March 2, 2022

Snacks with TL Durand

Snacks with TL Durand

In this episode, Minneapolis based drag queen Lala Luzious chats with first time author TL Durand about her bookToxik - In the Narcissist's Web

Born and raised a country girl from the Midwest, TL Durand led a fairly simple life – a mother, wife and accountant. A move from peaceful country life to the big city changed everything.

Suddenly a single mother, TL found herself not only struggling with the immense heartbreak but facing bankruptcy and the loss of everything she worked for her whole life. She and her youngest daughter spent the next nine months living with her mother while she got back on her feet. Then, within a few short months, she met the man who would change her life but not in the way she’d hoped.

Toxik chronicles her relationship with Kristopher, a malignant narcissist, whose emotional abuse nearly destroyed her.

Visit the Author’s website at https://toxikbooks.com/ and read the first chaper of Toxik for free!

The author also recommends the following books:

Whole Again - Jackson Mackenzie

Insight - Tasha Eurich

How to be Yourself - Ellen Hendriksen

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Check out the Snack Size Podcast Official Website: www.snacksizepodcast.com

Follow Snack Size: The Podcast on Twitter: @podcast_snack

Follow Lala on Instagram: @lalaluzious

Transcript
WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.480 --> 00:00:04.919 Hey snacks, it's seas and four of snack size. The podcast and two 2 00:00:04.960 --> 00:00:09.919 thousand and twenty two is all about you. And guess what, you are 3 00:00:09.919 --> 00:00:15.839 fabulous. It's time to open doors and embrace new opportunities, and your dreams 4 00:00:15.880 --> 00:00:19.839 can and will come true if you just take the time to pursue them. 5 00:00:19.879 --> 00:00:25.079 So this season is a cheers to you finding your fabulous life are time together 6 00:00:25.239 --> 00:00:36.000 starts now. Hey snacks, welcome back to snacks eye. I have been 7 00:00:36.039 --> 00:00:40.359 doing a lot of reading lately and I came across as an amazingly written memoir, 8 00:00:40.679 --> 00:00:44.079 and I'm so excited to be able to have the author as my guests 9 00:00:44.119 --> 00:00:49.240 today. The memoir is about her life while in a relationship with someone who 10 00:00:49.280 --> 00:00:55.439 has narcissistic personality disorder, which is more commonly known as narcissism. So narcissism 11 00:00:55.479 --> 00:00:59.159 is when someone has an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need 12 00:00:59.240 --> 00:01:04.000 for excessive attention and admiration, trouble relationships and a lack of empathy for others. 13 00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:10.000 But behind this mask of extreme confidence is someone who's really fragile with their 14 00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:15.400 self esteem and vulnerable to the slightest criticism. So now, as you know 15 00:01:15.560 --> 00:01:19.480 the show is all about self love and living your best life, so I 16 00:01:19.560 --> 00:01:23.640 do want to say that a lot of people do have narcissistic traits to some 17 00:01:23.719 --> 00:01:27.359 degree. In healthy individuals, a normal amount of narcissism helps them to take 18 00:01:27.400 --> 00:01:34.000 pride in their accomplishments and to find joy in life. However, narcissism becomes 19 00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:38.840 a very serious problem when it impairs somebody's ability to function as an individual and 20 00:01:38.879 --> 00:01:45.159 affects the way they functioned in their interpersonal relationships. And it's not widely talked 21 00:01:45.200 --> 00:01:49.840 about, but thousands of people have this disorder. About one and two hundred 22 00:01:49.840 --> 00:01:55.560 people will be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and people with this disorder can end 23 00:01:55.640 --> 00:02:00.000 up affecting many people in their lives negatively. So then some of those people 24 00:02:00.120 --> 00:02:04.079 don't even realize that that is what's happening. That was the case for my 25 00:02:04.120 --> 00:02:07.560 guest today, so I've asked her to come on snack size and talk about 26 00:02:07.560 --> 00:02:13.080 her experience and we both hope that if you have someone with narcissistic personality disorder 27 00:02:13.120 --> 00:02:16.240 in your life, that you are able to step away from any toxic situations 28 00:02:16.240 --> 00:02:21.800 you may have with that person and find help for yourself and, if possible, 29 00:02:21.840 --> 00:02:24.599 help them get the help they may need. My guess today is a 30 00:02:24.719 --> 00:02:30.879 first time author and her memoir is called toxic in the Narcissus Web, and 31 00:02:30.919 --> 00:02:34.520 I cannot wait for you all to learn more about here today. please. 32 00:02:34.560 --> 00:02:38.599 Welcome to snack size, author and survivor, TL durant. Let's give her 33 00:02:38.599 --> 00:02:46.840 a call. Hi, Theresa, welcome to snack size. Hello, thank 34 00:02:46.919 --> 00:02:51.159 you so much for being here with me today. I have thoroughly enjoyed your 35 00:02:51.159 --> 00:02:55.719 book, toxic in the Narcissis web. It is an absolute page Turner. 36 00:02:55.879 --> 00:03:00.240 You are such a talented writer. So, for my fans and listeners that 37 00:03:00.319 --> 00:03:05.680 don't know you yet, tell us a little bit about yourself and your life. 38 00:03:05.800 --> 00:03:08.639 Myself and my life. While I'm a mom, I have two daughters 39 00:03:08.680 --> 00:03:15.240 and I grew up in the Midwest and was a country girl in a happily 40 00:03:15.719 --> 00:03:21.520 farm girl, and then I moved to the big city of Phoenix, Arizona, 41 00:03:21.599 --> 00:03:24.400 and my life kind of got crazy from there and that's when I decided 42 00:03:24.560 --> 00:03:30.759 to write this book, still happily single after all of the stuff that I 43 00:03:30.800 --> 00:03:35.319 went through in the book and just trying to get the word out there now 44 00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:38.719 about emotional abuse and you know the survivors reality of it. Well, let 45 00:03:38.719 --> 00:03:43.840 me congratulate to is this your first book? I'm thinking it is. It 46 00:03:43.879 --> 00:03:46.439 is. Well, you should definitely write more. I my first book just 47 00:03:46.479 --> 00:03:50.680 came out on Balentine's Day, which all of my listeners know about. So 48 00:03:50.759 --> 00:03:53.439 tell me. How does it feel for you to be a first time author? 49 00:03:54.199 --> 00:03:58.159 Oh, it's amazing. I've always loved writing. I've always written in 50 00:03:58.199 --> 00:04:03.120 a journal. I've been really good at writing articles and blogs and then I 51 00:04:03.159 --> 00:04:09.080 really never plan to write a book. I never wanted a life worth writing 52 00:04:09.080 --> 00:04:14.479 a book about, honestly, but I just in the middle of the night 53 00:04:14.479 --> 00:04:16.199 it kept coming up in my head that I need to write a book about 54 00:04:16.240 --> 00:04:20.800 this thing, and so I just started to write the outline and put it 55 00:04:20.839 --> 00:04:25.720 all together and now here I am two years later and it's a book. 56 00:04:25.839 --> 00:04:30.040 So it's pretty exciting. That's absolutely amazing. What we try to do here 57 00:04:30.079 --> 00:04:33.720 as tax eizes go after those things you want, listen to that little voice 58 00:04:33.720 --> 00:04:38.120 inside you that tells you to do something and you never know what's going to 59 00:04:38.120 --> 00:04:42.839 come out of it. And you're touching on such a big and heavy subject 60 00:04:42.879 --> 00:04:46.959 and the way you write about it is so personal and unique and descriptive. 61 00:04:47.000 --> 00:04:50.120 I honestly am very, very shocked to find that this is your first book. 62 00:04:50.160 --> 00:04:54.079 You have a real, real, real talent. Well, thank you. 63 00:04:55.000 --> 00:04:58.600 So tell us about toxic at just a you know, we don't want 64 00:04:58.639 --> 00:05:00.399 to give everything away because we definitely want people to get into the book, 65 00:05:00.399 --> 00:05:03.279 but tell us a little bit about the book and what inspired you to write 66 00:05:03.319 --> 00:05:06.240 it. Lets see, let's start with what inspired me to write it, 67 00:05:06.240 --> 00:05:11.959 because that's kind of an interesting story actually. So when I was in this 68 00:05:12.000 --> 00:05:15.560 relationship I had never even heard of a narcissist it didn't know that what that 69 00:05:15.759 --> 00:05:20.639 was. I didn't know obviously didn't know that he was one. I just 70 00:05:20.680 --> 00:05:26.560 thought that everything that was going wrong with our relationship was my fault. But 71 00:05:26.639 --> 00:05:30.319 it got to the point where I couldn't I didn't want to live the rest 72 00:05:30.360 --> 00:05:32.680 of my life like that, so I got out of the relationship and then 73 00:05:32.800 --> 00:05:38.680 all of a sudden started reading these articles about narcissists and thinking, oh my 74 00:05:38.759 --> 00:05:44.040 gosh, that's I went through that right. But when you read the articles 75 00:05:44.040 --> 00:05:46.639 you're thinking, okay, well, I went through this part of it, 76 00:05:46.720 --> 00:05:50.079 but all of this other stuff doesn't apply. So the more and more I 77 00:05:50.079 --> 00:05:54.399 read about it, I thought, you know this, some of this is 78 00:05:54.439 --> 00:05:59.000 true, most of it's not true. It's not that easy to spot. 79 00:05:59.040 --> 00:06:02.560 They're not you know. Obviously they're very good at their game, and so 80 00:06:03.160 --> 00:06:06.480 the checklist just don't help. Like you're not going to see somebody out in 81 00:06:06.519 --> 00:06:10.240 public and be like, oh my gosh, this guy checks every box on 82 00:06:10.279 --> 00:06:14.360 the list. Right. Yeah, that's what inspired me to write the book, 83 00:06:14.439 --> 00:06:18.680 like I need to tell the reality of this thing. Like they're so 84 00:06:18.759 --> 00:06:24.399 subtle and smooth that you just you just get sucked in, you get tangled 85 00:06:24.399 --> 00:06:27.360 in the web, which is where I came up with in the web, 86 00:06:27.800 --> 00:06:30.800 before you even know it and they're just sucking the life out of you. 87 00:06:30.120 --> 00:06:34.560 And that's that was my inspiration for the book. is be like this. 88 00:06:34.560 --> 00:06:40.000 This needs to not be so, so black and white. It needs to 89 00:06:40.040 --> 00:06:46.439 be told from a survivor's perspective. That's amazing for people who maybe in the 90 00:06:46.439 --> 00:06:49.519 struggle and not know it. In your own words, what do you define 91 00:06:49.680 --> 00:06:54.240 as who or what is a narcissist like? What are traits that people can 92 00:06:54.240 --> 00:06:56.759 look for in their own lives to know, hey, I may be dealing 93 00:06:56.800 --> 00:07:00.959 with someone who is a narcissist or narcissistic? It's really hard to say, 94 00:07:01.040 --> 00:07:06.040 honestly, because we've all read the articles right. We've seen, you know, 95 00:07:06.240 --> 00:07:12.120 their self centered, for example. Well, not all self centered people 96 00:07:12.160 --> 00:07:16.399 are narcissists, but all narcissists are self centered. Every person, including me, 97 00:07:16.480 --> 00:07:21.160 including you, has traits of a narcissist. Honestly, sometimes I'm self 98 00:07:21.199 --> 00:07:25.759 centered. Sometimes I, you know, do my own things to achieve my 99 00:07:25.759 --> 00:07:29.920 own goals. Sometimes I, you know, I'm a noxious. Sometimes I 100 00:07:30.879 --> 00:07:35.360 hurt people. But I think the difference between regular people like us and narcissists 101 00:07:35.519 --> 00:07:39.759 is the fact that once I know I've heard somebody, I stopped doing that. 102 00:07:40.600 --> 00:07:44.959 You know, I don't intentionally walk all over people to achieve my goals, 103 00:07:45.000 --> 00:07:47.480 even though they may feel like that, that's not my intention. I 104 00:07:47.560 --> 00:07:51.879 may be self centered sometimes, but that's not my personality. So I think 105 00:07:51.920 --> 00:08:00.279 the differentiator between normal people and narcissists is, first their intention and, second 106 00:08:00.279 --> 00:08:03.000 of all, if they continue to do it. You know, in the 107 00:08:03.000 --> 00:08:07.120 book there's a lot of examples that you know of things that he did to 108 00:08:07.120 --> 00:08:11.279 me that normal people wouldn't do. For example, want you know, one 109 00:08:11.319 --> 00:08:16.040 of the things is I went out one night with some friends and I just 110 00:08:16.079 --> 00:08:20.439 went out to have a good time. He offered to Babysit my kid and 111 00:08:20.480 --> 00:08:26.279 my sister's kids and when I got home he was mad at me, you 112 00:08:26.319 --> 00:08:31.519 know, and so he was mad that I didn't pay attention to him. 113 00:08:31.560 --> 00:08:35.240 That night. He said that he cooks some food for me and then I 114 00:08:35.240 --> 00:08:39.120 went to bed and he was mad that I didn't eat the food, so 115 00:08:39.200 --> 00:08:41.720 he threw the food on me, you know. So like some of those 116 00:08:41.759 --> 00:08:46.440 things, instead of asking how my night was, he was all about what 117 00:08:46.519 --> 00:08:50.960 he did and I was disrespectful to him. So narcissist always think you're being 118 00:08:50.960 --> 00:08:56.320 disrespectful to them. It doesn't matter what the circumstances are. When I read 119 00:08:56.320 --> 00:09:01.080 this book, I see a woman who is very much into and with herself. 120 00:09:01.120 --> 00:09:05.240 But then you read the book and over the course of the relationship you 121 00:09:05.519 --> 00:09:09.320 find yourself doing things and being in situation that you didn't want to be in 122 00:09:09.639 --> 00:09:13.279 because you thought that you were in love when those things were happening. Did 123 00:09:13.320 --> 00:09:16.559 you know that's what you were doing or was it something you came to realize 124 00:09:16.679 --> 00:09:22.600 later? Definitely came to realize it later. I wanted to make him happy. 125 00:09:22.720 --> 00:09:26.720 I would have done you know, and from reading the book you'll see, 126 00:09:26.720 --> 00:09:30.600 I did a lot of things to make him happy and he was never 127 00:09:30.600 --> 00:09:35.600 happy. It was never enough and I just kept trying and trying and I 128 00:09:35.600 --> 00:09:37.960 always thought it was my fault, you know, and I kept going back 129 00:09:37.960 --> 00:09:41.799 thinking, okay, if I just do this one more thing, maybe he 130 00:09:41.840 --> 00:09:48.120 will love me like he did in the beginning. I'm pretty selfaware now and 131 00:09:48.159 --> 00:09:52.000 I thought I was back then, but boy I wasn't. I just did 132 00:09:52.039 --> 00:09:56.399 so many things that person shouldn't have to do. Do you ever look back 133 00:09:56.399 --> 00:10:01.120 at the beginning and say, Oh, now I see what like a Red 134 00:10:01.120 --> 00:10:03.000 Flag? Or I think that's what they're what? What are they doing on 135 00:10:03.000 --> 00:10:07.039 facebook? The Red Flag thing? Yeah, but it's Oh my God, 136 00:10:07.879 --> 00:10:11.120 do you see the red flags in the beginning now? You know, honestly, 137 00:10:11.159 --> 00:10:13.919 there was a red flags from the moment I met him and I can 138 00:10:13.080 --> 00:10:16.360 I can spot them now. I can think of them now. You know, 139 00:10:16.480 --> 00:10:20.080 they're people talk about love bombing and he totally did that. Like within 140 00:10:20.360 --> 00:10:24.799 three weeks of meeting him, he was telling me that he loved me. 141 00:10:24.879 --> 00:10:28.600 He had already bought me expensive jewelry that I didn't wear. He had taken 142 00:10:28.639 --> 00:10:31.519 me on a trips, you know, like I get, the red flags 143 00:10:31.519 --> 00:10:35.080 are everywhere, right, you know, in hindsight, yeah, what is 144 00:10:35.080 --> 00:10:41.320 Love Bombing? Love bombing is where they just overwhelm you with with gifts and 145 00:10:41.360 --> 00:10:46.960 trips and compliments and just you know they're the perfect guy and they do everything 146 00:10:46.080 --> 00:10:50.559 to show you that they're the perfect guy and it's just over the top. 147 00:10:50.600 --> 00:10:52.080 You know, like to tell me that you loved me within three weeks. 148 00:10:52.120 --> 00:10:56.840 That's that's love bombing. That's just it's just over the top of Gosh, 149 00:10:56.960 --> 00:11:01.080 three, three weeks has is quite quick, but sometimes you get swept up 150 00:11:01.120 --> 00:11:03.120 in the moment and that's what you want to hear and it's what you need 151 00:11:03.159 --> 00:11:07.039 to hear, especially if you've been unlucky in love before. You know the 152 00:11:07.240 --> 00:11:11.320 yes, it can be very comforting and you, like you said, it's 153 00:11:11.320 --> 00:11:15.480 a web that they're building and they can suck you in right. So when 154 00:11:15.519 --> 00:11:18.879 did everything click and what did be in that moment? Feel like they're like 155 00:11:18.080 --> 00:11:24.080 this is not the healthy relationship that I've convinced myself for it to be and 156 00:11:24.120 --> 00:11:28.200 I need to get out of it. What was that moment like? which 157 00:11:28.200 --> 00:11:33.679 time? Honestly, there were so many times that I was like this is 158 00:11:33.720 --> 00:11:37.000 so messed up and I need to get out of here. You know, 159 00:11:37.080 --> 00:11:39.759 I need to get myself out of here and need to get my daughter out 160 00:11:39.799 --> 00:11:43.360 of here. She was eight when we met him and she had, you 161 00:11:43.360 --> 00:11:46.879 know, she had been through a lot of trauma and her young life and 162 00:11:46.039 --> 00:11:50.200 I just I there were so many points, to be honest, and you 163 00:11:50.240 --> 00:11:56.000 know, the final Straw for me was just the fact that I realized I 164 00:11:56.000 --> 00:11:58.360 had done everything I could think of. That's the way I can put it. 165 00:11:58.360 --> 00:12:01.639 And it wasn't getting any better. In fact, he was getting worse. 166 00:12:03.000 --> 00:12:09.440 So, like the last nine months before I left were just honestly terrifying 167 00:12:09.559 --> 00:12:13.159 and I slept under with a pillow or a gun under my pillow because I 168 00:12:13.200 --> 00:12:18.279 was terrified and I just knew I had to get out of there. So 169 00:12:18.679 --> 00:12:24.559 the realization wasn't like this big relief. It was it was terrifying. How 170 00:12:24.559 --> 00:12:28.840 do I do this? I have this young child, I didn't have a 171 00:12:28.919 --> 00:12:31.279 job, I didn't have any money to my name, but I had to 172 00:12:31.320 --> 00:12:35.080 find a way. Would you say that you've rebuilt your life now? It 173 00:12:35.120 --> 00:12:39.960 sounds like it to me. Yeah, I have the most amazing life now. 174 00:12:39.000 --> 00:12:43.240 I can't even I can't even describe how blessed I am and how thankful 175 00:12:43.399 --> 00:12:48.559 I am and how hard I've worked to be living my best life right now. 176 00:12:48.600 --> 00:12:52.600 What have you learned along the way from the point where you left to 177 00:12:52.799 --> 00:12:56.399 the life you have now? So the point I left was one of the 178 00:12:56.399 --> 00:13:00.320 lowest points in my life and it was, you know, like I said, 179 00:13:00.360 --> 00:13:03.000 I didn't have any money, I didn't have anything to my name, 180 00:13:03.639 --> 00:13:07.399 but I just knew I had to get out and along the way since then, 181 00:13:07.399 --> 00:13:13.679 obviously I've learned what a narcissist is. I've studied a lot about psychology 182 00:13:13.000 --> 00:13:18.279 relationships. There's a lot of things that happened in the first probably two years 183 00:13:18.440 --> 00:13:22.440 after that that were almost as bad as what I went through when I was 184 00:13:22.480 --> 00:13:26.600 with him. So those things, in hindsight, we're pretty bad. And 185 00:13:26.600 --> 00:13:30.759 I probably did a lot of things then because I think when you when you 186 00:13:30.879 --> 00:13:33.399 leave a relationship, you kind of do a one hundred and eighty in your 187 00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:41.080 personality and like swing completely opposite of your your true nature and do just some 188 00:13:41.159 --> 00:13:45.480 crazy things. Right. So now I've kind of centered myself again and now 189 00:13:45.519 --> 00:13:48.799 I act true to myself because I know who I am. So I've spent 190 00:13:48.879 --> 00:13:52.919 a lot of time figuring out who I am, what I like, what 191 00:13:52.039 --> 00:13:54.360 I don't like, who I want to be around, what I want for 192 00:13:54.480 --> 00:14:00.440 my future, and it's it's been a up and down journey, because it's 193 00:14:00.440 --> 00:14:03.360 been six, six years now and march will be six years since I moved 194 00:14:03.360 --> 00:14:07.240 out. And do you finally feel free with the publishing of this book, 195 00:14:07.279 --> 00:14:11.600 like, did that help you feel free from that experience, at least in 196 00:14:11.639 --> 00:14:13.919 all the ways that you can be to move forward in life? Yes, 197 00:14:15.000 --> 00:14:22.080 the book was really quite an interesting experience because to read through my journals, 198 00:14:22.080 --> 00:14:24.600 because I've been writing in a diary since I was sixteen. So to read 199 00:14:24.600 --> 00:14:31.080 through my diary, to look at our pictures and just try to outlined all 200 00:14:31.120 --> 00:14:33.279 those memories and then I had to put words to them and then I had 201 00:14:33.320 --> 00:14:39.039 to put feelings to them and you know, honestly, I had nightmares, 202 00:14:39.279 --> 00:14:43.240 I had breakdowns, I had my grains. Like writing this book was very 203 00:14:43.279 --> 00:14:50.919 emotional and very traumatizing, honestly, to to see the big picture, because 204 00:14:50.919 --> 00:14:54.639 when you're going through it you don't really see it. When you're telling people 205 00:14:54.679 --> 00:14:58.080 about it, it's bits and pieces, but to put the whole big picture 206 00:14:58.159 --> 00:15:03.120 together, who you yeah, it was tough. It was tough. I 207 00:15:03.759 --> 00:15:07.879 want to highlight that because I think for anybody that's trying to work through something, 208 00:15:07.919 --> 00:15:11.000 whether it be a situation where you're dealing with a narcissist or anything difficult, 209 00:15:11.080 --> 00:15:15.320 journaling really really can help you. And Hey, you may even get 210 00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:18.440 a book out of it. Right, all right, suremate, right in 211 00:15:18.440 --> 00:15:22.960 a book easier. Yeah, if you want to talk about turning, you 212 00:15:22.000 --> 00:15:24.639 know, Lemons into lemonade, this is the way to do it. Y'All 213 00:15:24.720 --> 00:15:33.399 like this is amazing. So relented on the book as a whole. What 214 00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:37.240 would you say? are like one or two of the biggest things that you 215 00:15:37.320 --> 00:15:41.399 want your readers to take away when they are done reading toxic? I just 216 00:15:41.480 --> 00:15:48.080 want them, honestly, I want people to understand what a survivor goes through, 217 00:15:48.480 --> 00:15:54.000 because I feel like a lot of people hear about emotional abuse and they 218 00:15:54.039 --> 00:15:58.000 they kind of blame the victim because they're like, oh, they shouldn't be 219 00:15:58.039 --> 00:16:03.080 so sensitive, and so I want people to take away from this book the 220 00:16:03.120 --> 00:16:07.039 reality of it and so the next time that they hear about a narcissist or 221 00:16:07.039 --> 00:16:11.240 they hear from somebody that says they went out with the narcissist, they might 222 00:16:11.279 --> 00:16:15.799 have, you know, maybe a little more understanding of how how that kind 223 00:16:15.840 --> 00:16:21.600 of a situation really works and how people get into that kind of a relationship. 224 00:16:21.679 --> 00:16:25.559 Obviously nobody wants to be treated that way. I didn't want to be 225 00:16:25.600 --> 00:16:29.120 treated that way, but he, you know, I was so tangled in 226 00:16:29.120 --> 00:16:33.480 that Web and so so much in my you know, thinking that it was 227 00:16:33.559 --> 00:16:40.759 my own fault and people and that's why I didn't leave, because if you 228 00:16:41.120 --> 00:16:44.120 if you love someone and you feel like I'm the one that needs to do 229 00:16:44.159 --> 00:16:47.440 better here, he's doing a great job, I need to do better, 230 00:16:47.799 --> 00:16:51.600 then you try to do better and you don't leave. So I was thankful 231 00:16:51.639 --> 00:16:56.000 that that he, you know, kept giving me more chances. That's how 232 00:16:56.000 --> 00:17:00.320 I felt about it. So again, the takeaways would be, too, 233 00:17:02.279 --> 00:17:07.039 to show the reality of it and have people understand and have a little more 234 00:17:07.039 --> 00:17:12.000 compassion towards the survivors and to be more realistic about a what a narcissist really 235 00:17:12.119 --> 00:17:15.680 is, because we hear that wrote word thrown around a lot. Oh, 236 00:17:15.759 --> 00:17:19.559 he's an arciss she's an narcissist. Most of the time they're not, you 237 00:17:19.599 --> 00:17:22.160 know, they may exhibit some of the traits, but they're not truly a 238 00:17:22.240 --> 00:17:27.119 narcissist. Right. And what I really, really like about this book is 239 00:17:27.160 --> 00:17:32.839 that, like, you don't you don't do it from a perspective that says, 240 00:17:32.920 --> 00:17:36.680 like this person is is definitely anything, but you just show us who 241 00:17:36.680 --> 00:17:41.519 they are and you get sucked in and it's so well written in that way. 242 00:17:41.559 --> 00:17:45.640 So I really really feel that it does offer a very unique perspective on 243 00:17:45.720 --> 00:17:51.799 the actual experience and what it means to survive it right. Well, and 244 00:17:51.839 --> 00:17:55.880 I did that intentionally because I wanted people to go along this journey with me 245 00:17:56.599 --> 00:17:59.799 and I didn't know, and if you read the book, I never use 246 00:17:59.839 --> 00:18:03.319 it, of the clinical terms, but every example of why he was and 247 00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:08.039 what he did and how he he kept me in that position, it's all 248 00:18:08.079 --> 00:18:11.200 there. Everything that you read about, it's all there. And he was 249 00:18:11.279 --> 00:18:18.519 so smooth about he's so smooth. Everybody loves him. He is our right 250 00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:23.400 yeah, he's very charming and very good at his game. So I have 251 00:18:23.519 --> 00:18:27.920 a question that I asked on every single episode. In your own words, 252 00:18:29.119 --> 00:18:33.119 what would you say is the secret to a happy and fulfilled life? I 253 00:18:33.119 --> 00:18:37.880 would say the secret to happy and fulfilled life is to know who you are. 254 00:18:38.519 --> 00:18:42.119 Honestly like what you like, what you don't like, what your goals 255 00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:48.400 are, knowing that people may not know what you do, but you know 256 00:18:48.960 --> 00:18:53.039 so do the right things that make you feel good, even if they don't. 257 00:18:53.240 --> 00:18:56.920 You know, my friends and family aren't always happy with the things that 258 00:18:57.000 --> 00:19:02.079 I do, but I do what I feel is best for my life and 259 00:19:02.119 --> 00:19:03.680 that served me well. You know, I didn't used to do that. 260 00:19:03.799 --> 00:19:08.480 A lot of us are people pleasers and we want everybody to like us. 261 00:19:08.480 --> 00:19:11.839 And now I want me to like me because that at the end of the 262 00:19:11.880 --> 00:19:15.640 day, at the end of my life, I'm the you know, I'm 263 00:19:15.720 --> 00:19:18.400 the only one that matters. I have to have lived my best life and 264 00:19:18.839 --> 00:19:26.319 do the best I can and not just wait around for somebody to tell me 265 00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:30.240 that my life is good enough. I have to make a good enough in 266 00:19:30.279 --> 00:19:33.960 my own opinion. I want me to like me. I'm definitely going to 267 00:19:34.039 --> 00:19:37.920 use that. I think that's great. So for those of us who want 268 00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:41.559 to get into toxic and more of you, I know you have a like, 269 00:19:41.599 --> 00:19:45.559 a facebook, community of blog tell us where we can find all that 270 00:19:45.559 --> 00:19:48.880 stuff at. The best place to go is my website, which is toxic 271 00:19:49.640 --> 00:19:56.000 bookscom, and there they can purchase the book? Yes, there's a link 272 00:19:56.039 --> 00:20:00.319 to purchase the book on Amazon. There's some of the blogs I've written. 273 00:20:00.359 --> 00:20:04.519 You can read the first chapter for free on there. Yeah, there's a 274 00:20:04.519 --> 00:20:10.599 lot more information about me on there. There's links to my facebook and I 275 00:20:10.640 --> 00:20:15.799 believe I've instagram link on there too. Okay, we got facebook on instagram. 276 00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:19.160 I think that I'm seeing it's at triumph over toxic on both of those, 277 00:20:19.160 --> 00:20:22.279 facebook and instagram. Is that right? Yeah, so triumph over toxic 278 00:20:22.400 --> 00:20:26.680 is kind of a inspirational side. I post means and you know that kind 279 00:20:26.720 --> 00:20:32.240 of sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's inspirational. And then I also have a 280 00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:37.559 author facebook page, t ldrand, where people can comment on the book or 281 00:20:37.559 --> 00:20:41.000 they can share their own stories. I would really love to get more people 282 00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:47.279 to share their own stories. Well, we love sharing stories here at snacks 283 00:20:47.319 --> 00:20:49.599 eyes. So if you have a story, please, please, please, 284 00:20:49.640 --> 00:20:55.160 go check out Theresa and all of her digital platforms. I'm sure she would 285 00:20:55.160 --> 00:20:57.640 love to hear from you. Thank you. Thank you so much for being 286 00:20:57.640 --> 00:21:03.720 on snack siyed. It has been an absolute pleasure. Congratulations on a wonderful, 287 00:21:03.759 --> 00:21:07.160 wonderful and moving peace toxic and I will make sure that if you have 288 00:21:07.160 --> 00:21:11.759 book suggestions, I'm going to put them in the show notes below. And 289 00:21:11.880 --> 00:21:15.000 snacks, thank you for hanging out with us on snack sizes and until next 290 00:21:15.079 --> 00:21:19.519 time, go be fabulous. Hey Snack, I hope you enjoyed this episode. 291 00:21:19.519 --> 00:21:22.240 Now, I know you don't want to miss out on the party, 292 00:21:22.279 --> 00:21:29.359 so head on over to www dot snack size podcastcom and sign up for email 293 00:21:29.359 --> 00:21:33.799 alerts about new episodes and very special announcements for me. Until next time, 294 00:21:34.200 --> 00:21:38.400 step out into the world and let them know that you are fabulous.