Snacks with TL Durand

WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.480 --> 00:00:04.919 Hey snacks, it's seas and four of snack size. The podcast and two 2 00:00:04.960 --> 00:00:09.919 thousand and twenty two is all about you. And guess what, you are 3 00:00:09.919 --> 00:00:15.839 fabulous. It's time to open doors and embrace new opportunities, and your dreams 4 00:00:15.880 --> 00:00:19.839 can and will come true if you just take the time to pursue them. 5 00:00:19.879 --> 00:00:25.079 So this season is a cheers to you finding your fabulous life are time together 6 00:00:25.239 --> 00:00:36.000 starts now. Hey snacks, welcome back to snacks eye. I have been 7 00:00:36.039 --> 00:00:40.359 doing a lot of reading lately and I came across as an amazingly written memoir, 8 00:00:40.679 --> 00:00:44.079 and I'm so excited to be able to have the author as my guests 9 00:00:44.119 --> 00:00:49.240 today. The memoir is about her life while in a relationship with someone who 10 00:00:49.280 --> 00:00:55.439 has narcissistic personality disorder, which is more commonly known as narcissism. So narcissism 11 00:00:55.479 --> 00:00:59.159 is when someone has an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need 12 00:00:59.240 --> 00:01:04.000 for excessive attention and admiration, trouble relationships and a lack of empathy for others. 13 00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:10.000 But behind this mask of extreme confidence is someone who's really fragile with their 14 00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:15.400 self esteem and vulnerable to the slightest criticism. So now, as you know 15 00:01:15.560 --> 00:01:19.480 the show is all about self love and living your best life, so I 16 00:01:19.560 --> 00:01:23.640 do want to say that a lot of people do have narcissistic traits to some 17 00:01:23.719 --> 00:01:27.359 degree. In healthy individuals, a normal amount of narcissism helps them to take 18 00:01:27.400 --> 00:01:34.000 pride in their accomplishments and to find joy in life. However, narcissism becomes 19 00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:38.840 a very serious problem when it impairs somebody's ability to function as an individual and 20 00:01:38.879 --> 00:01:45.159 affects the way they functioned in their interpersonal relationships. And it's not widely talked 21 00:01:45.200 --> 00:01:49.840 about, but thousands of people have this disorder. About one and two hundred 22 00:01:49.840 --> 00:01:55.560 people will be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and people with this disorder can end 23 00:01:55.640 --> 00:02:00.000 up affecting many people in their lives negatively. So then some of those people 24 00:02:00.120 --> 00:02:04.079 don't even realize that that is what's happening. That was the case for my 25 00:02:04.120 --> 00:02:07.560 guest today, so I've asked her to come on snack size and talk about 26 00:02:07.560 --> 00:02:13.080 her experience and we both hope that if you have someone with narcissistic personality disorder 27 00:02:13.120 --> 00:02:16.240 in your life, that you are able to step away from any toxic situations 28 00:02:16.240 --> 00:02:21.800 you may have with that person and find help for yourself and, if possible, 29 00:02:21.840 --> 00:02:24.599 help them get the help they may need. My guess today is a 30 00:02:24.719 --> 00:02:30.879 first time author and her memoir is called toxic in the Narcissus Web, and 31 00:02:30.919 --> 00:02:34.520 I cannot wait for you all to learn more about here today. please. 32 00:02:34.560 --> 00:02:38.599 Welcome to snack size, author and survivor, TL durant. Let's give her 33 00:02:38.599 --> 00:02:46.840 a call. Hi, Theresa, welcome to snack size. Hello, thank 34 00:02:46.919 --> 00:02:51.159 you so much for being here with me today. I have thoroughly enjoyed your 35 00:02:51.159 --> 00:02:55.719 book, toxic in the Narcissis web. It is an absolute page Turner. 36 00:02:55.879 --> 00:03:00.240 You are such a talented writer. So, for my fans and listeners that 37 00:03:00.319 --> 00:03:05.680 don't know you yet, tell us a little bit about yourself and your life. 38 00:03:05.800 --> 00:03:08.639 Myself and my life. While I'm a mom, I have two daughters 39 00:03:08.680 --> 00:03:15.240 and I grew up in the Midwest and was a country girl in a happily 40 00:03:15.719 --> 00:03:21.520 farm girl, and then I moved to the big city of Phoenix, Arizona, 41 00:03:21.599 --> 00:03:24.400 and my life kind of got crazy from there and that's when I decided 42 00:03:24.560 --> 00:03:30.759 to write this book, still happily single after all of the stuff that I 43 00:03:30.800 --> 00:03:35.319 went through in the book and just trying to get the word out there now 44 00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:38.719 about emotional abuse and you know the survivors reality of it. Well, let 45 00:03:38.719 --> 00:03:43.840 me congratulate to is this your first book? I'm thinking it is. It 46 00:03:43.879 --> 00:03:46.439 is. Well, you should definitely write more. I my first book just 47 00:03:46.479 --> 00:03:50.680 came out on Balentine's Day, which all of my listeners know about. So 48 00:03:50.759 --> 00:03:53.439 tell me. How does it feel for you to be a first time author? 49 00:03:54.199 --> 00:03:58.159 Oh, it's amazing. I've always loved writing. I've always written in 50 00:03:58.199 --> 00:04:03.120 a journal. I've been really good at writing articles and blogs and then I 51 00:04:03.159 --> 00:04:09.080 really never plan to write a book. I never wanted a life worth writing 52 00:04:09.080 --> 00:04:14.479 a book about, honestly, but I just in the middle of the night 53 00:04:14.479 --> 00:04:16.199 it kept coming up in my head that I need to write a book about 54 00:04:16.240 --> 00:04:20.800 this thing, and so I just started to write the outline and put it 55 00:04:20.839 --> 00:04:25.720 all together and now here I am two years later and it's a book. 56 00:04:25.839 --> 00:04:30.040 So it's pretty exciting. That's absolutely amazing. What we try to do here 57 00:04:30.079 --> 00:04:33.720 as tax eizes go after those things you want, listen to that little voice 58 00:04:33.720 --> 00:04:38.120 inside you that tells you to do something and you never know what's going to 59 00:04:38.120 --> 00:04:42.839 come out of it. And you're touching on such a big and heavy subject 60 00:04:42.879 --> 00:04:46.959 and the way you write about it is so personal and unique and descriptive. 61 00:04:47.000 --> 00:04:50.120 I honestly am very, very shocked to find that this is your first book. 62 00:04:50.160 --> 00:04:54.079 You have a real, real, real talent. Well, thank you. 63 00:04:55.000 --> 00:04:58.600 So tell us about toxic at just a you know, we don't want 64 00:04:58.639 --> 00:05:00.399 to give everything away because we definitely want people to get into the book, 65 00:05:00.399 --> 00:05:03.279 but tell us a little bit about the book and what inspired you to write 66 00:05:03.319 --> 00:05:06.240 it. Lets see, let's start with what inspired me to write it, 67 00:05:06.240 --> 00:05:11.959 because that's kind of an interesting story actually. So when I was in this 68 00:05:12.000 --> 00:05:15.560 relationship I had never even heard of a narcissist it didn't know that what that 69 00:05:15.759 --> 00:05:20.639 was. I didn't know obviously didn't know that he was one. I just 70 00:05:20.680 --> 00:05:26.560 thought that everything that was going wrong with our relationship was my fault. But 71 00:05:26.639 --> 00:05:30.319 it got to the point where I couldn't I didn't want to live the rest 72 00:05:30.360 --> 00:05:32.680 of my life like that, so I got out of the relationship and then 73 00:05:32.800 --> 00:05:38.680 all of a sudden started reading these articles about narcissists and thinking, oh my 74 00:05:38.759 --> 00:05:44.040 gosh, that's I went through that right. But when you read the articles 75 00:05:44.040 --> 00:05:46.639 you're thinking, okay, well, I went through this part of it, 76 00:05:46.720 --> 00:05:50.079 but all of this other stuff doesn't apply. So the more and more I 77 00:05:50.079 --> 00:05:54.399 read about it, I thought, you know this, some of this is 78 00:05:54.439 --> 00:05:59.000 true, most of it's not true. It's not that easy to spot. 79 00:05:59.040 --> 00:06:02.560 They're not you know. Obviously they're very good at their game, and so 80 00:06:03.160 --> 00:06:06.480 the checklist just don't help. Like you're not going to see somebody out in 81 00:06:06.519 --> 00:06:10.240 public and be like, oh my gosh, this guy checks every box on 82 00:06:10.279 --> 00:06:14.360 the list. Right. Yeah, that's what inspired me to write the book, 83 00:06:14.439 --> 00:06:18.680 like I need to tell the reality of this thing. Like they're so 84 00:06:18.759 --> 00:06:24.399 subtle and smooth that you just you just get sucked in, you get tangled 85 00:06:24.399 --> 00:06:27.360 in the web, which is where I came up with in the web, 86 00:06:27.800 --> 00:06:30.800 before you even know it and they're just sucking the life out of you. 87 00:06:30.120 --> 00:06:34.560 And that's that was my inspiration for the book. is be like this. 88 00:06:34.560 --> 00:06:40.000 This needs to not be so, so black and white. It needs to 89 00:06:40.040 --> 00:06:46.439 be told from a survivor's perspective. That's amazing for people who maybe in the 90 00:06:46.439 --> 00:06:49.519 struggle and not know it. In your own words, what do you define 91 00:06:49.680 --> 00:06:54.240 as who or what is a narcissist like? What are traits that people can 92 00:06:54.240 --> 00:06:56.759 look for in their own lives to know, hey, I may be dealing 93 00:06:56.800 --> 00:07:00.959 with someone who is a narcissist or narcissistic? It's really hard to say, 94 00:07:01.040 --> 00:07:06.040 honestly, because we've all read the articles right. We've seen, you know, 95 00:07:06.240 --> 00:07:12.120 their self centered, for example. Well, not all self centered people 96 00:07:12.160 --> 00:07:16.399 are narcissists, but all narcissists are self centered. Every person, including me, 97 00:07:16.480 --> 00:07:21.160 including you, has traits of a narcissist. Honestly, sometimes I'm self 98 00:07:21.199 --> 00:07:25.759 centered. Sometimes I, you know, do my own things to achieve my 99 00:07:25.759 --> 00:07:29.920 own goals. Sometimes I, you know, I'm a noxious. Sometimes I 100 00:07:30.879 --> 00:07:35.360 hurt people. But I think the difference between regular people like us and narcissists 101 00:07:35.519 --> 00:07:39.759 is the fact that once I know I've heard somebody, I stopped doing that. 102 00:07:40.600 --> 00:07:44.959 You know, I don't intentionally walk all over people to achieve my goals, 103 00:07:45.000 --> 00:07:47.480 even though they may feel like that, that's not my intention. I 104 00:07:47.560 --> 00:07:51.879 may be self centered sometimes, but that's not my personality. So I think 105 00:07:51.920 --> 00:08:00.279 the differentiator between normal people and narcissists is, first their intention and, second 106 00:08:00.279 --> 00:08:03.000 of all, if they continue to do it. You know, in the 107 00:08:03.000 --> 00:08:07.120 book there's a lot of examples that you know of things that he did to 108 00:08:07.120 --> 00:08:11.279 me that normal people wouldn't do. For example, want you know, one 109 00:08:11.319 --> 00:08:16.040 of the things is I went out one night with some friends and I just 110 00:08:16.079 --> 00:08:20.439 went out to have a good time. He offered to Babysit my kid and 111 00:08:20.480 --> 00:08:26.279 my sister's kids and when I got home he was mad at me, you 112 00:08:26.319 --> 00:08:31.519 know, and so he was mad that I didn't pay attention to him. 113 00:08:31.560 --> 00:08:35.240 That night. He said that he cooks some food for me and then I 114 00:08:35.240 --> 00:08:39.120 went to bed and he was mad that I didn't eat the food, so 115 00:08:39.200 --> 00:08:41.720 he threw the food on me, you know. So like some of those 116 00:08:41.759 --> 00:08:46.440 things, instead of asking how my night was, he was all about what 117 00:08:46.519 --> 00:08:50.960 he did and I was disrespectful to him. So narcissist always think you're being 118 00:08:50.960 --> 00:08:56.320 disrespectful to them. It doesn't matter what the circumstances are. When I read 119 00:08:56.320 --> 00:09:01.080 this book, I see a woman who is very much into and with herself. 120 00:09:01.120 --> 00:09:05.240 But then you read the book and over the course of the relationship you 121 00:09:05.519 --> 00:09:09.320 find yourself doing things and being in situation that you didn't want to be in 122 00:09:09.639 --> 00:09:13.279 because you thought that you were in love when those things were happening. Did 123 00:09:13.320 --> 00:09:16.559 you know that's what you were doing or was it something you came to realize 124 00:09:16.679 --> 00:09:22.600 later? Definitely came to realize it later. I wanted to make him happy. 125 00:09:22.720 --> 00:09:26.720 I would have done you know, and from reading the book you'll see, 126 00:09:26.720 --> 00:09:30.600 I did a lot of things to make him happy and he was never 127 00:09:30.600 --> 00:09:35.600 happy. It was never enough and I just kept trying and trying and I 128 00:09:35.600 --> 00:09:37.960 always thought it was my fault, you know, and I kept going back 129 00:09:37.960 --> 00:09:41.799 thinking, okay, if I just do this one more thing, maybe he 130 00:09:41.840 --> 00:09:48.120 will love me like he did in the beginning. I'm pretty selfaware now and 131 00:09:48.159 --> 00:09:52.000 I thought I was back then, but boy I wasn't. I just did 132 00:09:52.039 --> 00:09:56.399 so many things that person shouldn't have to do. Do you ever look back 133 00:09:56.399 --> 00:10:01.120 at the beginning and say, Oh, now I see what like a Red 134 00:10:01.120 --> 00:10:03.000 Flag? Or I think that's what they're what? What are they doing on 135 00:10:03.000 --> 00:10:07.039 facebook? The Red Flag thing? Yeah, but it's Oh my God, 136 00:10:07.879 --> 00:10:11.120 do you see the red flags in the beginning now? You know, honestly, 137 00:10:11.159 --> 00:10:13.919 there was a red flags from the moment I met him and I can 138 00:10:13.080 --> 00:10:16.360 I can spot them now. I can think of them now. You know, 139 00:10:16.480 --> 00:10:20.080 they're people talk about love bombing and he totally did that. Like within 140 00:10:20.360 --> 00:10:24.799 three weeks of meeting him, he was telling me that he loved me. 141 00:10:24.879 --> 00:10:28.600 He had already bought me expensive jewelry that I didn't wear. He had taken 142 00:10:28.639 --> 00:10:31.519 me on a trips, you know, like I get, the red flags 143 00:10:31.519 --> 00:10:35.080 are everywhere, right, you know, in hindsight, yeah, what is 144 00:10:35.080 --> 00:10:41.320 Love Bombing? Love bombing is where they just overwhelm you with with gifts and 145 00:10:41.360 --> 00:10:46.960 trips and compliments and just you know they're the perfect guy and they do everything 146 00:10:46.080 --> 00:10:50.559 to show you that they're the perfect guy and it's just over the top. 147 00:10:50.600 --> 00:10:52.080 You know, like to tell me that you loved me within three weeks. 148 00:10:52.120 --> 00:10:56.840 That's that's love bombing. That's just it's just over the top of Gosh, 149 00:10:56.960 --> 00:11:01.080 three, three weeks has is quite quick, but sometimes you get swept up 150 00:11:01.120 --> 00:11:03.120 in the moment and that's what you want to hear and it's what you need 151 00:11:03.159 --> 00:11:07.039 to hear, especially if you've been unlucky in love before. You know the 152 00:11:07.240 --> 00:11:11.320 yes, it can be very comforting and you, like you said, it's 153 00:11:11.320 --> 00:11:15.480 a web that they're building and they can suck you in right. So when 154 00:11:15.519 --> 00:11:18.879 did everything click and what did be in that moment? Feel like they're like 155 00:11:18.080 --> 00:11:24.080 this is not the healthy relationship that I've convinced myself for it to be and 156 00:11:24.120 --> 00:11:28.200 I need to get out of it. What was that moment like? which 157 00:11:28.200 --> 00:11:33.679 time? Honestly, there were so many times that I was like this is 158 00:11:33.720 --> 00:11:37.000 so messed up and I need to get out of here. You know, 159 00:11:37.080 --> 00:11:39.759 I need to get myself out of here and need to get my daughter out 160 00:11:39.799 --> 00:11:43.360 of here. She was eight when we met him and she had, you 161 00:11:43.360 --> 00:11:46.879 know, she had been through a lot of trauma and her young life and 162 00:11:46.039 --> 00:11:50.200 I just I there were so many points, to be honest, and you 163 00:11:50.240 --> 00:11:56.000 know, the final Straw for me was just the fact that I realized I 164 00:11:56.000 --> 00:11:58.360 had done everything I could think of. That's the way I can put it. 165 00:11:58.360 --> 00:12:01.639 And it wasn't getting any better. In fact, he was getting worse. 166 00:12:03.000 --> 00:12:09.440 So, like the last nine months before I left were just honestly terrifying 167 00:12:09.559 --> 00:12:13.159 and I slept under with a pillow or a gun under my pillow because I 168 00:12:13.200 --> 00:12:18.279 was terrified and I just knew I had to get out of there. So 169 00:12:18.679 --> 00:12:24.559 the realization wasn't like this big relief. It was it was terrifying. How 170 00:12:24.559 --> 00:12:28.840 do I do this? I have this young child, I didn't have a 171 00:12:28.919 --> 00:12:31.279 job, I didn't have any money to my name, but I had to 172 00:12:31.320 --> 00:12:35.080 find a way. Would you say that you've rebuilt your life now? It 173 00:12:35.120 --> 00:12:39.960 sounds like it to me. Yeah, I have the most amazing life now. 174 00:12:39.000 --> 00:12:43.240 I can't even I can't even describe how blessed I am and how thankful 175 00:12:43.399 --> 00:12:48.559 I am and how hard I've worked to be living my best life right now. 176 00:12:48.600 --> 00:12:52.600 What have you learned along the way from the point where you left to 177 00:12:52.799 --> 00:12:56.399 the life you have now? So the point I left was one of the 178 00:12:56.399 --> 00:13:00.320 lowest points in my life and it was, you know, like I said, 179 00:13:00.360 --> 00:13:03.000 I didn't have any money, I didn't have anything to my name, 180 00:13:03.639 --> 00:13:07.399 but I just knew I had to get out and along the way since then, 181 00:13:07.399 --> 00:13:13.679 obviously I've learned what a narcissist is. I've studied a lot about psychology 182 00:13:13.000 --> 00:13:18.279 relationships. There's a lot of things that happened in the first probably two years 183 00:13:18.440 --> 00:13:22.440 after that that were almost as bad as what I went through when I was 184 00:13:22.480 --> 00:13:26.600 with him. So those things, in hindsight, we're pretty bad. And 185 00:13:26.600 --> 00:13:30.759 I probably did a lot of things then because I think when you when you 186 00:13:30.879 --> 00:13:33.399 leave a relationship, you kind of do a one hundred and eighty in your 187 00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:41.080 personality and like swing completely opposite of your your true nature and do just some 188 00:13:41.159 --> 00:13:45.480 crazy things. Right. So now I've kind of centered myself again and now 189 00:13:45.519 --> 00:13:48.799 I act true to myself because I know who I am. So I've spent 190 00:13:48.879 --> 00:13:52.919 a lot of time figuring out who I am, what I like, what 191 00:13:52.039 --> 00:13:54.360 I don't like, who I want to be around, what I want for 192 00:13:54.480 --> 00:14:00.440 my future, and it's it's been a up and down journey, because it's 193 00:14:00.440 --> 00:14:03.360 been six, six years now and march will be six years since I moved 194 00:14:03.360 --> 00:14:07.240 out. And do you finally feel free with the publishing of this book, 195 00:14:07.279 --> 00:14:11.600 like, did that help you feel free from that experience, at least in 196 00:14:11.639 --> 00:14:13.919 all the ways that you can be to move forward in life? Yes, 197 00:14:15.000 --> 00:14:22.080 the book was really quite an interesting experience because to read through my journals, 198 00:14:22.080 --> 00:14:24.600 because I've been writing in a diary since I was sixteen. So to read 199 00:14:24.600 --> 00:14:31.080 through my diary, to look at our pictures and just try to outlined all 200 00:14:31.120 --> 00:14:33.279 those memories and then I had to put words to them and then I had 201 00:14:33.320 --> 00:14:39.039 to put feelings to them and you know, honestly, I had nightmares, 202 00:14:39.279 --> 00:14:43.240 I had breakdowns, I had my grains. Like writing this book was very 203 00:14:43.279 --> 00:14:50.919 emotional and very traumatizing, honestly, to to see the big picture, because 204 00:14:50.919 --> 00:14:54.639 when you're going through it you don't really see it. When you're telling people 205 00:14:54.679 --> 00:14:58.080 about it, it's bits and pieces, but to put the whole big picture 206 00:14:58.159 --> 00:15:03.120 together, who you yeah, it was tough. It was tough. I 207 00:15:03.759 --> 00:15:07.879 want to highlight that because I think for anybody that's trying to work through something, 208 00:15:07.919 --> 00:15:11.000 whether it be a situation where you're dealing with a narcissist or anything difficult, 209 00:15:11.080 --> 00:15:15.320 journaling really really can help you. And Hey, you may even get 210 00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:18.440 a book out of it. Right, all right, suremate, right in 211 00:15:18.440 --> 00:15:22.960 a book easier. Yeah, if you want to talk about turning, you 212 00:15:22.000 --> 00:15:24.639 know, Lemons into lemonade, this is the way to do it. Y'All 213 00:15:24.720 --> 00:15:33.399 like this is amazing. So relented on the book as a whole. What 214 00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:37.240 would you say? are like one or two of the biggest things that you 215 00:15:37.320 --> 00:15:41.399 want your readers to take away when they are done reading toxic? I just 216 00:15:41.480 --> 00:15:48.080 want them, honestly, I want people to understand what a survivor goes through, 217 00:15:48.480 --> 00:15:54.000 because I feel like a lot of people hear about emotional abuse and they 218 00:15:54.039 --> 00:15:58.000 they kind of blame the victim because they're like, oh, they shouldn't be 219 00:15:58.039 --> 00:16:03.080 so sensitive, and so I want people to take away from this book the 220 00:16:03.120 --> 00:16:07.039 reality of it and so the next time that they hear about a narcissist or 221 00:16:07.039 --> 00:16:11.240 they hear from somebody that says they went out with the narcissist, they might 222 00:16:11.279 --> 00:16:15.799 have, you know, maybe a little more understanding of how how that kind 223 00:16:15.840 --> 00:16:21.600 of a situation really works and how people get into that kind of a relationship. 224 00:16:21.679 --> 00:16:25.559 Obviously nobody wants to be treated that way. I didn't want to be 225 00:16:25.600 --> 00:16:29.120 treated that way, but he, you know, I was so tangled in 226 00:16:29.120 --> 00:16:33.480 that Web and so so much in my you know, thinking that it was 227 00:16:33.559 --> 00:16:40.759 my own fault and people and that's why I didn't leave, because if you 228 00:16:41.120 --> 00:16:44.120 if you love someone and you feel like I'm the one that needs to do 229 00:16:44.159 --> 00:16:47.440 better here, he's doing a great job, I need to do better, 230 00:16:47.799 --> 00:16:51.600 then you try to do better and you don't leave. So I was thankful 231 00:16:51.639 --> 00:16:56.000 that that he, you know, kept giving me more chances. That's how 232 00:16:56.000 --> 00:17:00.320 I felt about it. So again, the takeaways would be, too, 233 00:17:02.279 --> 00:17:07.039 to show the reality of it and have people understand and have a little more 234 00:17:07.039 --> 00:17:12.000 compassion towards the survivors and to be more realistic about a what a narcissist really 235 00:17:12.119 --> 00:17:15.680 is, because we hear that wrote word thrown around a lot. Oh, 236 00:17:15.759 --> 00:17:19.559 he's an arciss she's an narcissist. Most of the time they're not, you 237 00:17:19.599 --> 00:17:22.160 know, they may exhibit some of the traits, but they're not truly a 238 00:17:22.240 --> 00:17:27.119 narcissist. Right. And what I really, really like about this book is 239 00:17:27.160 --> 00:17:32.839 that, like, you don't you don't do it from a perspective that says, 240 00:17:32.920 --> 00:17:36.680 like this person is is definitely anything, but you just show us who 241 00:17:36.680 --> 00:17:41.519 they are and you get sucked in and it's so well written in that way. 242 00:17:41.559 --> 00:17:45.640 So I really really feel that it does offer a very unique perspective on 243 00:17:45.720 --> 00:17:51.799 the actual experience and what it means to survive it right. Well, and 244 00:17:51.839 --> 00:17:55.880 I did that intentionally because I wanted people to go along this journey with me 245 00:17:56.599 --> 00:17:59.799 and I didn't know, and if you read the book, I never use 246 00:17:59.839 --> 00:18:03.319 it, of the clinical terms, but every example of why he was and 247 00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:08.039 what he did and how he he kept me in that position, it's all 248 00:18:08.079 --> 00:18:11.200 there. Everything that you read about, it's all there. And he was 249 00:18:11.279 --> 00:18:18.519 so smooth about he's so smooth. Everybody loves him. He is our right 250 00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:23.400 yeah, he's very charming and very good at his game. So I have 251 00:18:23.519 --> 00:18:27.920 a question that I asked on every single episode. In your own words, 252 00:18:29.119 --> 00:18:33.119 what would you say is the secret to a happy and fulfilled life? I 253 00:18:33.119 --> 00:18:37.880 would say the secret to happy and fulfilled life is to know who you are. 254 00:18:38.519 --> 00:18:42.119 Honestly like what you like, what you don't like, what your goals 255 00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:48.400 are, knowing that people may not know what you do, but you know 256 00:18:48.960 --> 00:18:53.039 so do the right things that make you feel good, even if they don't. 257 00:18:53.240 --> 00:18:56.920 You know, my friends and family aren't always happy with the things that 258 00:18:57.000 --> 00:19:02.079 I do, but I do what I feel is best for my life and 259 00:19:02.119 --> 00:19:03.680 that served me well. You know, I didn't used to do that. 260 00:19:03.799 --> 00:19:08.480 A lot of us are people pleasers and we want everybody to like us. 261 00:19:08.480 --> 00:19:11.839 And now I want me to like me because that at the end of the 262 00:19:11.880 --> 00:19:15.640 day, at the end of my life, I'm the you know, I'm 263 00:19:15.720 --> 00:19:18.400 the only one that matters. I have to have lived my best life and 264 00:19:18.839 --> 00:19:26.319 do the best I can and not just wait around for somebody to tell me 265 00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:30.240 that my life is good enough. I have to make a good enough in 266 00:19:30.279 --> 00:19:33.960 my own opinion. I want me to like me. I'm definitely going to 267 00:19:34.039 --> 00:19:37.920 use that. I think that's great. So for those of us who want 268 00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:41.559 to get into toxic and more of you, I know you have a like, 269 00:19:41.599 --> 00:19:45.559 a facebook, community of blog tell us where we can find all that 270 00:19:45.559 --> 00:19:48.880 stuff at. The best place to go is my website, which is toxic 271 00:19:49.640 --> 00:19:56.000 bookscom, and there they can purchase the book? Yes, there's a link 272 00:19:56.039 --> 00:20:00.319 to purchase the book on Amazon. There's some of the blogs I've written. 273 00:20:00.359 --> 00:20:04.519 You can read the first chapter for free on there. Yeah, there's a 274 00:20:04.519 --> 00:20:10.599 lot more information about me on there. There's links to my facebook and I 275 00:20:10.640 --> 00:20:15.799 believe I've instagram link on there too. Okay, we got facebook on instagram. 276 00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:19.160 I think that I'm seeing it's at triumph over toxic on both of those, 277 00:20:19.160 --> 00:20:22.279 facebook and instagram. Is that right? Yeah, so triumph over toxic 278 00:20:22.400 --> 00:20:26.680 is kind of a inspirational side. I post means and you know that kind 279 00:20:26.720 --> 00:20:32.240 of sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's inspirational. And then I also have a 280 00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:37.559 author facebook page, t ldrand, where people can comment on the book or 281 00:20:37.559 --> 00:20:41.000 they can share their own stories. I would really love to get more people 282 00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:47.279 to share their own stories. Well, we love sharing stories here at snacks 283 00:20:47.319 --> 00:20:49.599 eyes. So if you have a story, please, please, please, 284 00:20:49.640 --> 00:20:55.160 go check out Theresa and all of her digital platforms. I'm sure she would 285 00:20:55.160 --> 00:20:57.640 love to hear from you. Thank you. Thank you so much for being 286 00:20:57.640 --> 00:21:03.720 on snack siyed. It has been an absolute pleasure. Congratulations on a wonderful, 287 00:21:03.759 --> 00:21:07.160 wonderful and moving peace toxic and I will make sure that if you have 288 00:21:07.160 --> 00:21:11.759 book suggestions, I'm going to put them in the show notes below. And 289 00:21:11.880 --> 00:21:15.000 snacks, thank you for hanging out with us on snack sizes and until next 290 00:21:15.079 --> 00:21:19.519 time, go be fabulous. Hey Snack, I hope you enjoyed this episode. 291 00:21:19.519 --> 00:21:22.240 Now, I know you don't want to miss out on the party, 292 00:21:22.279 --> 00:21:29.359 so head on over to www dot snack size podcastcom and sign up for email 293 00:21:29.359 --> 00:21:33.799 alerts about new episodes and very special announcements for me. Until next time, 294 00:21:34.200 --> 00:21:38.400 step out into the world and let them know that you are fabulous.