Reason, Season, or Lifetime

WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.040 --> 00:00:05.879 Hey, what's up world? Welcome to season three of snack size, the 2 00:00:06.040 --> 00:00:11.029 podcast that will drag you into your most fabulous life. It's a brand new 3 00:00:11.109 --> 00:00:16.030 year and it's a great time to live the life of your dreams. You've 4 00:00:16.109 --> 00:00:20.350 got to do you because no one else can and no matter what, you're 5 00:00:20.429 --> 00:00:23.820 happy and fulfilled life looks like. I want to help you get there. 6 00:00:24.179 --> 00:00:33.259 Our time together starts now. Hey, snacks, I hope you all are 7 00:00:33.340 --> 00:00:37.490 having a fabulous start to your two thousand and twenty one. Over the past 8 00:00:37.530 --> 00:00:41.530 year we've had a lot of time for reflection, and one of the things 9 00:00:41.570 --> 00:00:45.049 I like to reflect on in my life is the people I have in it. 10 00:00:45.530 --> 00:00:48.649 I know that the last year is taught me who is really there for 11 00:00:48.770 --> 00:00:53.439 me in my life. I've mentioned this before and previous episodes, but one 12 00:00:53.479 --> 00:00:58.520 of the best parts about being a performer and now a podcaster is that I 13 00:00:58.560 --> 00:01:02.039 get to meet a lot of different people, and that has helped me a 14 00:01:02.200 --> 00:01:07.510 lot. However, it took me a while to understand that not everyone is 15 00:01:07.549 --> 00:01:12.310 a friend. Some people don't have your best interest at heart. Sometimes maybe 16 00:01:12.390 --> 00:01:15.790 you just aren't as close to someone as you thought you were, and, 17 00:01:15.950 --> 00:01:19.459 of course, there are times when you meet someone and they are a friend 18 00:01:19.579 --> 00:01:23.980 for life. The thing is, your life is a revolving door. Some 19 00:01:25.060 --> 00:01:27.980 people Bele come and some people go. Some people will avoid you like to 20 00:01:29.060 --> 00:01:32.890 play again. Other show up with bags and just move in. Others just 21 00:01:33.010 --> 00:01:37.370 need somewhere to crash for a couple days. Others maybe need directions to where 22 00:01:37.370 --> 00:01:42.530 they actually want to go. I say all this because every person we meet 23 00:01:42.810 --> 00:01:47.200 are in your life for a purpose, and it is your job to figure 24 00:01:47.239 --> 00:01:51.920 out if that person is in your life for a reason, a season or 25 00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:57.640 a lifetime. Does that phrase sound familiar? There is a wellknown poem by 26 00:01:57.760 --> 00:02:02.430 an unknown author called reason, season or lifetime. It teaches us about accepting 27 00:02:02.510 --> 00:02:08.349 the impermanence of relationships and recognizing the lessons they leave us with. I love 28 00:02:08.509 --> 00:02:12.629 this poem and I want to take a moment to read it to you all. 29 00:02:13.030 --> 00:02:21.020 So snacks. Here is the poem reason, season or lifetime. People 30 00:02:21.060 --> 00:02:24.539 always come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. 31 00:02:25.379 --> 00:02:29.419 When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do. 32 00:02:30.449 --> 00:02:32.729 When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to me 33 00:02:32.889 --> 00:02:38.330 to need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you 34 00:02:38.449 --> 00:02:43.050 through a difficulty or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you 35 00:02:43.169 --> 00:02:47.879 physically, emotionally or even spiritually. They may seem like a God send to 36 00:02:47.960 --> 00:02:53.520 you, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them 37 00:02:53.639 --> 00:02:58.990 to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient 38 00:02:59.069 --> 00:03:02.389 time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an 39 00:03:02.430 --> 00:03:08.629 end. Sometimes they die, sometimes they just walk away, sometimes they act 40 00:03:08.710 --> 00:03:13.699 up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that 41 00:03:13.900 --> 00:03:17.620 our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done, 42 00:03:19.060 --> 00:03:23.500 the prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move 43 00:03:23.580 --> 00:03:28.409 on. When people come into your life for a season, it is because 44 00:03:28.569 --> 00:03:32.729 your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They may bring you 45 00:03:32.849 --> 00:03:38.650 an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you 46 00:03:38.770 --> 00:03:44.400 have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe 47 00:03:44.479 --> 00:03:50.120 it, it is real, but only for a season and like spring turns 48 00:03:50.199 --> 00:03:57.150 the summer and summer to fall, the season eventually ends. Lifetime relationships teach 49 00:03:57.150 --> 00:04:00.270 you lifetime lessons, those things you must build upon in order to have a 50 00:04:00.430 --> 00:04:05.710 solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person 51 00:04:05.870 --> 00:04:11.539 anyway and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships in areas 52 00:04:11.580 --> 00:04:15.699 of your life. It is said that love is blind, but friendship is 53 00:04:15.819 --> 00:04:19.180 clairvoyant. An thank you for being a part of my life, whether you 54 00:04:19.259 --> 00:04:28.290 were a reason, a season or a lifetime. What that poem teaches us 55 00:04:28.410 --> 00:04:32.370 is that people enter our lives to fulfill some need or purpose, depending on 56 00:04:32.449 --> 00:04:35.329 what we need at the time. They say, in our lives for a 57 00:04:35.410 --> 00:04:41.680 reason, season or lifetime. So let's talk about them all. Just so 58 00:04:41.839 --> 00:04:45.279 you know, I am going to share some stories about my life and I've 59 00:04:45.319 --> 00:04:48.480 changed the names of the people for privacy, but the stories themselves will be 60 00:04:48.720 --> 00:04:54.750 very true and I hope you can learn from them. First, there are 61 00:04:54.790 --> 00:04:58.790 the relationships that are for a reason. There are times in your life where 62 00:04:58.829 --> 00:05:02.790 you need something and depending on the situation, what you can need will change, 63 00:05:03.029 --> 00:05:06.860 but the fact that you need it always says the same. This can 64 00:05:06.980 --> 00:05:12.339 really be any type of thing. For example, your car brake sound and 65 00:05:12.540 --> 00:05:15.620 a passer by stops to help you, or maybe you're really stressed out with 66 00:05:15.699 --> 00:05:20.730 your job and you find a coworker to vent to when someone is in your 67 00:05:20.769 --> 00:05:25.649 life for a reason. It is usually to meet a need that you expressed, 68 00:05:26.290 --> 00:05:29.769 not always out loud, but you know in your heart you need it. 69 00:05:30.769 --> 00:05:33.850 They've come to assist you through a difficulty or to provide you with guidance 70 00:05:33.889 --> 00:05:38.560 and support. They may open an all new doorway in your life which you 71 00:05:38.600 --> 00:05:42.759 may have never discovered on your own, but one s they have served their 72 00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:46.920 purpose. The relationship dies. Sometimes it makes sense why the relationship dies, 73 00:05:47.160 --> 00:05:51.589 and then there's times where it really bothers you. When I moved to Minneapolis, 74 00:05:51.629 --> 00:05:55.629 I was really scared about whether or not I was going to make it 75 00:05:55.790 --> 00:06:00.230 in the drag scene here. Before that I had only been performing in Indiana 76 00:06:00.389 --> 00:06:03.189 and my small town, and while I learned a lot there, I definitely 77 00:06:03.500 --> 00:06:08.819 was the big fish in a small pond. In Indiana, I had a 78 00:06:08.899 --> 00:06:12.779 great support system of friends who really kept me going, but I knew that 79 00:06:12.899 --> 00:06:17.019 when I moved away I wouldn't have that same support. I was fortunate enough 80 00:06:17.019 --> 00:06:21.970 to meet someone totally randomly that ended up really helping me gain my confidence, 81 00:06:23.370 --> 00:06:26.889 and this person's aim is Steve. I met Steve While I was standing in 82 00:06:27.050 --> 00:06:30.850 line at a food joint ordering a burger he was in line behind me and 83 00:06:30.089 --> 00:06:33.800 when I said I wanted manonnaise on my burger, he said, Maynnais, 84 00:06:34.240 --> 00:06:39.720 you must not be from here. Me being a very outspoken person, I 85 00:06:40.160 --> 00:06:44.959 quickly noticed how passive aggressive people are in Minnesota, so to hear someone be 86 00:06:45.079 --> 00:06:48.670 so candid was a welcome surprise and, needless to say, we hit it 87 00:06:48.790 --> 00:06:53.790 off. It turns out that Steve Loves Drag, and not just the I 88 00:06:53.949 --> 00:06:57.310 watch every single episode of Rup Paul's drag race. Kind of loves drag. 89 00:06:57.750 --> 00:07:00.699 He actually knew a lot about drag history and we shared some of the same 90 00:07:00.980 --> 00:07:08.100 favorite iconic drag idols. Steve really encourage me as I was starting out in 91 00:07:08.180 --> 00:07:13.100 Minneapolis. He came to almost all of my shows and would vary loudly cheer 92 00:07:13.180 --> 00:07:16.410 me on in the front row. He was also always telling people about how 93 00:07:16.529 --> 00:07:21.370 awesome I was, so much so that my insecurities I had just kind of 94 00:07:21.649 --> 00:07:27.689 melted away. As we know, change is really scary, and moving here 95 00:07:27.810 --> 00:07:30.600 was probably one of the biggest ones in my life, and I can say 96 00:07:30.639 --> 00:07:32.639 that if it weren't for Steve, I would have had a much harder time 97 00:07:32.759 --> 00:07:38.000 getting my name out in Minneapolis. Steve and I spent a lot of time 98 00:07:38.079 --> 00:07:41.639 together and somewhere along the way I started to fall in love with him. 99 00:07:42.439 --> 00:07:46.310 Steve was an amazing supporter when it came to my performing, but in so 100 00:07:46.790 --> 00:07:50.910 many other ways we just weren't a match. I knew that, but I 101 00:07:50.990 --> 00:07:56.269 felt for it anyway. What I didn't realize, or maybe I didn't want 102 00:07:56.310 --> 00:07:59.819 to accept, is that Steve was only in my life for a reason and 103 00:08:00.379 --> 00:08:05.939 when a relationship ended, I was really upset about it. But it was 104 00:08:05.019 --> 00:08:09.740 also clear that I was going to be a successful drag queen in Minneapolis, 105 00:08:09.139 --> 00:08:13.050 which was awesome, but that meant I couldn't hang out as much as I 106 00:08:13.129 --> 00:08:16.250 used to, or I would be busy so I couldn't chat on the phone. 107 00:08:16.290 --> 00:08:22.209 Over time, the relationship just kind of lost its fire. The people 108 00:08:22.209 --> 00:08:24.569 who are in your life for a reason, once they have fulfilled their purpose, 109 00:08:24.970 --> 00:08:28.800 they leave. It's not the easiest thing in the world, but if 110 00:08:28.839 --> 00:08:33.120 you realize that they were only there for a reason, you may be able 111 00:08:33.159 --> 00:08:37.879 to let them go a little easier. It's important to see people and situations 112 00:08:37.039 --> 00:08:41.149 as they truly are and not what you think they might or hope they would 113 00:08:41.149 --> 00:08:45.750 be. Think of it this way, everything in life has a reason, 114 00:08:46.070 --> 00:08:48.309 so when it comes to the people in yours, you should know what that 115 00:08:48.470 --> 00:08:52.789 is for you, and to see Eve, if you happen to be listening 116 00:08:52.830 --> 00:08:56.779 to this episode. Thank you. Your kindness has helped me on my way 117 00:08:56.980 --> 00:09:01.259 and I'm always going to be thankful for that. Next, let's talk about 118 00:09:01.259 --> 00:09:05.740 the relationships that are there for a season. Some people enter our lives and 119 00:09:05.980 --> 00:09:09.970 make us aware of our own strengths, which we may not know. They 120 00:09:11.090 --> 00:09:16.169 inspire US and aid us in realizing our true potential. They're there to share 121 00:09:16.490 --> 00:09:20.370 and celebrate your life with you, and it is during these times that you 122 00:09:20.409 --> 00:09:26.200 can learn, grow and expand further than you ever thought before. These people 123 00:09:26.279 --> 00:09:30.159 tend to stick around longer than the reason people, but when the season is 124 00:09:30.240 --> 00:09:35.960 over, they leave. For example, everybody remembers their first love. Some 125 00:09:35.120 --> 00:09:39.750 people do end up spending a lifetime with their first love, but most people 126 00:09:39.750 --> 00:09:45.549 don't. And no matter who your first love is, you definitely appreciate all 127 00:09:45.629 --> 00:09:48.190 of the things that they taught you, even if you aren't together anymore. 128 00:09:48.990 --> 00:09:54.500 An example in my own life is not my first love, but it is 129 00:09:54.620 --> 00:09:58.620 the first person that made me feel it was okay to be gay. I 130 00:09:58.860 --> 00:10:01.019 was in high school and at that time I was trying to figure out what 131 00:10:01.139 --> 00:10:05.700 my life was about. I knew I was different and I was just trying 132 00:10:05.740 --> 00:10:09.330 to sort through that within myself. I was already being made fun of because 133 00:10:09.370 --> 00:10:13.210 of my size and I was terrified that if I came out as gay, 134 00:10:13.409 --> 00:10:18.730 it would just get worse, especially at a private Catholic school. One of 135 00:10:18.809 --> 00:10:22.360 the first people I can fid it in was my friend Kim, who rode 136 00:10:22.360 --> 00:10:26.240 the bus to school with me every day. Kim was one of the popular 137 00:10:26.360 --> 00:10:31.279 girls. She was very pretty, very smart and very well liked. However, 138 00:10:31.320 --> 00:10:37.830 unlike the other popular kids, she was always kind to me. When 139 00:10:37.830 --> 00:10:41.110 I came out to her, I remember she told me that she knew it 140 00:10:41.350 --> 00:10:43.950 was hard for me. She told me that being gay was okay and that 141 00:10:45.110 --> 00:10:48.990 once high school was over, life gets so much better. She explained that 142 00:10:50.059 --> 00:10:54.740 the people we went to school with probably would never understand me, but once 143 00:10:54.779 --> 00:10:58.820 I got out into the real world there were tons of people like me living 144 00:10:58.980 --> 00:11:03.139 happy, successful lives. It was right after that conversation I made a plan. 145 00:11:03.220 --> 00:11:07.049 I would do what I needed to do to get through high school and 146 00:11:07.289 --> 00:11:11.809 after that I could be free. Kim was wise beyonder years. In College 147 00:11:13.009 --> 00:11:16.690 I ended up being one of the most popular people on campus and I met 148 00:11:16.850 --> 00:11:20.759 five amazing gay men who are still my best friends to this day. Kim 149 00:11:20.799 --> 00:11:24.919 and I lost touch some time after school, but I will always remember that 150 00:11:26.080 --> 00:11:30.559 conversation. She gave me hope that I would one day find the life of 151 00:11:30.639 --> 00:11:33.470 my dreams, and without that needed reassurance, I don't know where I'd be. 152 00:11:35.789 --> 00:11:39.470 Seasonal people can have some of the biggest influence on your life and they 153 00:11:39.509 --> 00:11:43.190 may not even realize it. It is also likely that you have been an 154 00:11:43.230 --> 00:11:48.299 influence to someone in this lifetime, and you may not realize it. If 155 00:11:48.340 --> 00:11:52.139 you do come across seasonal relationships in life, enjoy them and learn and grow 156 00:11:52.259 --> 00:11:56.980 in every way you can. You never know when the season will change. 157 00:11:56.980 --> 00:12:01.929 Last, but certainly not least, there are the relationships that last a lifetime. 158 00:12:03.889 --> 00:12:09.009 Lifetime relationships are often family relationships or relationships that help you embrace yourself and 159 00:12:09.210 --> 00:12:15.649 others unconditionally. These are the people that form an integral part of your life. 160 00:12:16.320 --> 00:12:20.919 They assist in developing a solid support system and contribute greatly to who you 161 00:12:20.080 --> 00:12:24.480 are as a person. An example of this is your parents. For many 162 00:12:24.519 --> 00:12:30.789 people, their parents influence and guide them throughout their whole life. Another popular 163 00:12:30.830 --> 00:12:33.950 saying is that friends are the family we choose for ourselves, and I hope 164 00:12:33.990 --> 00:12:39.750 that everyone finds their best friend in life. Remember the five fabulous people I 165 00:12:39.909 --> 00:12:43.350 met in college? Well, it turns out they were not just reason or 166 00:12:43.389 --> 00:12:48.500 seasonal people, but lifelong friends. We have known each other for almost fifteen 167 00:12:48.539 --> 00:12:52.379 years and I would say we have been through a lot of ups and downs, 168 00:12:52.740 --> 00:12:56.539 and we have, but we've also been front words, backwards, diagonal 169 00:12:56.740 --> 00:13:01.769 and everything in between together, and our bond has never been broken. There 170 00:13:01.809 --> 00:13:05.850 are a lot of things I've learned from these relationships. When you grow older 171 00:13:05.929 --> 00:13:11.450 with people, you actually learn a lot. What I have learned about lifelong 172 00:13:11.490 --> 00:13:16.600 relationships is that these are the people who take a personal investment in you. 173 00:13:16.399 --> 00:13:20.519 If you are the company, they are the shareholders and they want to see 174 00:13:20.519 --> 00:13:26.639 you flourish and succeed when you are at your worst, these are the people 175 00:13:26.759 --> 00:13:31.509 that bring their best to help you. From my lifetime friends, I have 176 00:13:31.629 --> 00:13:35.629 learned what it means to be trustworthy and I've learned what happens when you aren't. 177 00:13:35.549 --> 00:13:39.710 I've learned about loyalty. I've also learned to accept people as they are 178 00:13:41.230 --> 00:13:45.500 and that I deserve to be accepted for who I am. It's more about 179 00:13:45.580 --> 00:13:50.299 celebrating the things that you love about the people in your life rather than focusing 180 00:13:50.539 --> 00:13:54.100 on what they could possibly do better. But if they ask what they could 181 00:13:54.100 --> 00:13:58.769 do better, you should tell them and help them grow, and I know 182 00:13:58.090 --> 00:14:01.929 that my friends would do the same for me. By following these principles of 183 00:14:03.090 --> 00:14:07.610 lifelong friendship, you will find a lifetime of learning and growing with the people 184 00:14:07.649 --> 00:14:13.840 you love. Every person that comes into our lives helps us to evolve into 185 00:14:13.879 --> 00:14:18.120 our best set elves. They're coming into our lives is not an accident. 186 00:14:18.759 --> 00:14:24.750 The universe perfectly orchestrated it to give us the appropriate lesson at the exact appropriate 187 00:14:24.830 --> 00:14:30.470 time. Therefore, we must be thankful to such people and have gratitude towards 188 00:14:30.509 --> 00:14:35.429 them, since they contributed towards our growth and learning. The greatest gift that 189 00:14:35.629 --> 00:14:39.220 we can offer in return is practicing what they taught us in all areas of 190 00:14:39.299 --> 00:14:45.740 our life. The invaluable guidance that they offered shall forever live in our hearts. 191 00:14:46.379 --> 00:14:50.419 So, whether someone is in your life for a reason, for a 192 00:14:50.500 --> 00:14:54.850 season or for a lifetime, enjoy them, learn from them and then pass 193 00:14:54.929 --> 00:15:00.370 what you know on to the next person. Until next time. See you 194 00:15:00.370 --> 00:15:05.850 later, snack. Hey Snack, thanks for hanging out with me and listening 195 00:15:05.929 --> 00:15:11.559 to this episode. You can get into every episode over at www dot snack 196 00:15:11.679 --> 00:15:18.159 size podcastcom. And don't forget to register for my email list so I can 197 00:15:18.200 --> 00:15:24.029 keep you in the loop about new episodes, sneak peaks, giveaways and more. 198 00:15:24.590 --> 00:15:31.710 That's www dot snack size podcastcom. Until next time, see you later, 199 00:15:31.789 --> snack.